Saturday, 7 November 2009

A place I'd rather be.


Went to the bathroom for the third time in two hours. Noticed lots of bright red blood and tissue on pad. Tried to breath hard quietly. Tried to not sob loudly. Folded up the pad and laid it in the trash can. Wiped my eyes. Put a new pad in. Flushed. Opened the door of my stall in the crowded public restroom and washed my hands without making eye contact with anyone. Walked out to the mall where D was waiting. Bumped in to a woman rocking her beautiful baby in her arms. Put on my sunglasses. Struggled to find my breath to answer D when he asked where I wanted to go next. Whispered: "home". 

We didn't talk much on the way home. Well, I tried, but was sobbing too much to really make any sense. When we got home D walked me to our bed, put me in it and wrapped himself around me. He kissed me and told me everything is going to be alright. I love that man.

The neighbors are having a bonfire party. I'm having a pity party. I'd rather be over there.

27 comments:

  1. Ohh..I wish I could give you a hug. I'm sorry that this is so difficult for you. I hope you get some answers soon. You've got a winner of a DH. Sounds like he's taking great care of you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Take care.

    ReplyDelete
  2. *hug*

    Very moving picture to pair with this post. I wish you weren't going through this...

    ReplyDelete
  3. To say that things should be so much easier is a major understatement, but they should be. I'm thinking of you and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm so sorry. Thinking of you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. xoxoxoxoxo pity parties arent that bad, as long as we can leave their asses quick. i've thrown one too many here girl. sending you big fat hugs from the land of sand and pyramids. xoxoxoxoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  6. Please don't be so sad. Spotting is not abnormal. I know how scary it is but it happens, even with very normal pregnancies. You're 18dpo now, please ask your GP for that beta asap and put your mind at ease. And possibly they can schedule an u/s for as soon as you hit week the week after next.

    And by all means, stay away from Dr. Google.

    My thoughts and hopes are with you, honey.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I am still praying for you! I know it's hard, but try to keep a positive outlook on things! (((HUGS))))

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh sweetie we are pulling for you and the little acrobat. This is so hard, I know. I hope that things turn out well for you. Take good care of yourself, pamper yourself. (((HUGS)))

    ReplyDelete
  9. so sorry about your day, I can't imagine what you must
    be going through. So happy you have DH with you!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Aww shit.

    :(

    I'm thinking of you my lovely.
    Please make an appointment with your doctor to have your beta levels checked...

    All my love to you and DH.
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thinking about you here too. Your DH sounds like a wonderful support, I'm so glad for that. I hope that you can get a beta done soon.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thinking about you this weekend. Breathe. That's the only advice I have. I breath in and out at a time.

    ReplyDelete
  13. **wrapping our collective arms around you**

    ReplyDelete
  14. I'm sending you lots and lots of hugs!! Your in my thoughts in and prayers!! I hope you can get your beta soon.

    ReplyDelete
  15. ((HUGE HUGS))

    Thinking of you. You'll continue to be in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  16. It ain't over til the fat lady sings. Go get that test. Then mourn or celebrate.

    In the meantime, take good care of yourself!

    ReplyDelete
  17. I'm so sorry. That must be incredibly scary, and devastating for what it can mean for your pregnancy. I am, however, with Jem. Get a test to know for sure what's going on. While all signs may point to miscarriage, after reading countless accounts of early pregnancy, I found that bleeding in early pregnancy, even very heavy bleeding, is very common, and lots of women have gone on to have healthy pregnancies after a bleeding incident.

    All the same, I will be keeping you in my thoughts... sending you the biggest dose of peace I can muster.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Bleeding isn't always a bad sign, but it sure is scary. The +hpt has to be good news. Are you getting betas done? That would at least tell you how high the hcg is, and whether they are increasing or decreasing. The waiting is hard and scary, but there really are reasons you could be bleeding and everything could be okay. Hang in there, and don't give up hope yet! - tkeys

    ReplyDelete
  19. I'm so sorry you are having to go through all of this turmoil. I hope you get your answers soon. {hugs}

    ReplyDelete
  20. Tears in my eyes right now reading this. I pray that you're OK, and I'm so sorry that this is happening.

    Hang in there, sweetie.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I just wanted to check in with you and let you know that I've been thinking of you.

    ReplyDelete

Talk to me. Hug me. Spank me. Whatever, just comment.