Friday, 13 November 2009

Friday the 13th

This should be a long post but I don't know if I have the strength to write. I'll try to stick to the bare minimum so I can at least keep you all updated. I can't thank you enough for all your support through this nightmare.

Yesterday afternoon I went to the ER at the Military Hospital and got hooked up to an IV as soon as they noticed my heart rate was over a hundred. Got examined inside and out and they ran more tests than I could keep track of. Apparently my blood pressure was also very high (I'm normally on the low end of normal BP). They saw lots of blood, it was actually gushing out at them as they were examining me... scary. They couldn't find the acrobat anywhere. Not in uterus, cervix, tubes or ovaries. My HCG came back at 1000. They also called the NHS clinic I'd been to on Monday to get the result from that bloodtest... and suddenly the results had magically appeared (it wasn't there a few hours earlier when I called!! OK, I won't get in to that whole mess today). Monday's HCG was 415!? The ER doctor scratched his head and didn't know what to make of it so he paged the OBGYN on call. She came down. Repeated all the probing and poking. Looked over all the test results and told me that I had probably just had a miscarriage when I arrived at the clinic and that she was going to give me some meds to stop the bleeding and make my uterus contract. I said "No Thank You" and asked to come back in the morning to recheck the HCG levels and get that miscarriage confirmed before I took any meds. She said alright and told me the bleeding should be slowing down and my HCG levels should stop or drop.

This morning I went back to the Military Hospital. Waited for an hour and a half to get the result (needless to say I'm never going back to the NHS clinic I went Monday even if the drive down to base is 45 min). Went up to the OBGYN and met Dr. Swedish (crazy, an american who spoke swedish fluently after living a couple of miles from the swedish town I grew up for 2 years). He went over the notes from yesterdays visit to the ER with me, looked at todays HCG result and scratched his head. Todays HCG was 1300. He got me up on the table, brought out the wand and gave me another good scan. He was greeted by a blood bath. He saw nothing. Except... maybe... a tiny speck on the uterine wall. He then gave me the verdict. "It's a mystery. It's possibly an ectopic pregnancy, but we just can't be sure until your HCG levels are at 1500." I guess that's the magic number when they're able to see the embryo on an ultrasound. He said "we can either do a D&C and see if the tissue we remove contain an embryo and/or we can give you methotrexate to help your body terminate the pregnancy no matter where in your body it is". I was confused. So if they'd do a D&C to remove tissue from my uterus and they found the embryo there... wouldn't that in fact mean they would kill the embryo to rule out an ectopic? So again I said "No Thank You, what other options do I have?". He told me that if another blood test showed my kidneys functioning ok and that I'm not too anemic he'd consider waiting until Sunday when my HCG levels would surely be over 1500 if the pregnancy continued to develop, he could then make sure the acrobat wasn't hiding somewhere in my uterus and comfortably give me methotrexate to terminate an ectopic pregnancy. And if my levels would still be under 1500 that would mean it's not a normal pregnancy and a D&C would just help nature along. I went and had the blood work done and was cleared to wait until Sunday. Before we left I asked if there was any chance of bringing home a healthy baby from a pregnancy that starts out like this. He said: "probably less than a 1% chance". 

So that's where we stand. In a great vast landscape of gray. 

22 comments:

  1. OMGosh, what a roller coaster you've been through. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this, I know you must be devastated. Big hugs!

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  2. Oh Honey I'm soo sorry!! I hate that your going through all this. I'm sending you lots of hugs!!

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  3. Oh sweetie. I am just so so sorry. My heart just sank into the pit of my stomach. I wish I could say something to make you feel better. Many hugs & prayers coming your way.

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  4. Wow. I am so sorry for everything your having to go through. It is not fair. Good for you for saying no and sticking up for what you want. I'll be sending you positive vibes.

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  5. Ugh this is terrible! I'm so sorry :/ *hug*

    I'm still hoping for your little acrobat though and sending you positive, calming thoughts.

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  6. i'm so sorry that you have to go through all this. i think you're doing the right thing by pushing back and asking about options. i wish i could fix this for you. hugs.

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  7. oh so sorry, I was really hoping for some good news for you,
    you more then deserve it! good for you for standing your ground
    and doing what you know is right or you.

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  8. For what it's worth, I think you've been a beautiful advocate for yourself in this! I know that the level of emotional exhaustion you must be feeling is beyond description. I'm thinking of you and wishing you peace... Please keep us as updated as you're comfortable in doing...

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  9. I'm so sorry. I'm so proud of you for doing what feels right for you and not what the doctors are rushing in to. Yes, your chances sound slim now, but you'll feel better knowing 100% either way. Both times I had a D&E, I made the hospital do an ultrasound right beforehand, just for peace of mind, even though we already knew the deal.

    I'll be praying that your 1% chance becomes a miracle and, if not, for all of this to resolve quickly so you can move on to healing. :(

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  10. Words escape me. I cannot believe what your body has been through...the amount of bleeding and the high HCG....it's such a mystery and so very painful mentally and physically. I am glad you declined the D&C. Thinking of you and sending a hug.

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  11. My heart goes out to you! I know this is hard! We are all here thinking of you and hoping for the best!!! And if the worst happens, you will survive....since you are a strong woman! I am sending you a big hug!

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  12. I am so sorry that you are going through this. How awful! My heart is just breaking for you.

    ((HUGE HUGS)) continued thoughts and prayers

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  13. I can't believe the shit you are going through. You are smart and brave to decline their offered services. I am thinking of you. {hugs}

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  14. No, no, no, no, no. I am so sorry that this is happening. I hope that Sunday brings some clarity to this difficult situation. Know that you are not alone and we are all with you, hoping for the best.

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  15. Ohhh...I'm so sorry to hear this. My heart aches for you and your DH. I'm glad that you are finally getting some answers though. (Also, glad you are dumping the place that did the first HCG and "misplaced" your results. Unexcusable.) Good for you for not letting the doctor push you into something you aren't ready for. YOU are your own best advocate.

    I'll be thinking of you this weekend. Take care.

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  16. OMG... WTF is going on girl? I so hope that levels go up and this is just freak shit going on now. I would have so done as you did, oh no you are NOT D&C-ing or giving me meds until i KNOW for sure...Anyway, nothing I say will make it better for you. But know even though I sucked this past week, not commenting I am so thinking of you and your acrobat... xoxoxoxox Super big hugs my friend. xoxoxoxoxo

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  17. I'm holding onto that 1%.

    It's too early to be seeing anything on US. They should know that. *shakes head*

    The fact that your is still rising & according to www.betabase.info is in the average for dates...

    Have they considered a disappearing twin?

    You are in my thoughts & prayers.

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  18. I am so sorry you have to go through this. It's just not fair.

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  19. keeping on thinking positive thoughts for you. being in this limbo is horrible. super huge hugs.

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