Greetings from the Pacific Northwest

Woah!

If someone suggested having a baby, moving across the Atlantic, renovating your house, and having your husband go through various cardio treatment in less than six months, I would laugh in their faces and strongly advise against it. It's been... well, it's been interesting. And exhausting.
At least we're all in one location, in one piece, and for now that's not bad. Not bad at all.

We all made it across the world in spite of a heat wave that restricted our pets from flying with us on the plane and an insane amount of bags which Diver Dude couldn't carry an inch. Thank goodness for porters and over priced cargo planes that carry pets.

Our house has all new floors and new molding. It also has no doors and is currently a bathroom short. It's still filled with unpacked boxes.

Bubba is crawling! And I have to follow him around like an undercover agent so he doesn't get into things he shouldn't. Let me tell you, the child can move! He's in a hurry to get anywhere fast and he's starting to pull himself up on whatever gets in his way without worry weather it will fall on him in the process. He leaves the worrying to his Mamma. He'll most likely be walking within a couple of months. I'm looking forward to that with an interesting mix of fear and pride.

Diver Dude has had two cardioversions since we got here and has his first consult for an ablation this month. It's such a relief to have him in the care of a passionate and competent cardiologist.

I have so much more to say about meeting old friends, sleepless nights, the joys of solid food and the impact of medication on your sex life but alas, I have no time.

Thanks to those who stopped by to make sure all's well! I still try to keep up on all your blogs but my commenting currently sucks a big fat one.

Sloppy kisses to all of you!

Aloha!

Tomorrow night around this time we'll be back in the states. I'd lie if I said I was all excited. I am, a little, but also sad to move further away from my family and worried about the trip over. Worried about our pets who we've had to rerout due to severe heat and fork up an arm and a leg to fly (luckily they didn't ask for our first born). Worried about Diver Dude lifting stuff he shouldn't and hurt himself (he's back in afib:(. And worried about Bubba traveling that far. But we'll be ok. I'm sure I'm just a worry-wart. See you back in beautiful Washington state! Aloha!

A short post with good news

Just a quick note from a gorgeous, warm Swedish summer evening.
Bubba had a name ceremony last Sunday and it was beautiful. Mini-Man was christened the same day - a double whammy if you will. Promise to post more details later.
Diver Dude had another cardioversion here in da Motherland and is back in sinus rhythm. Fingers crossed it stays that way! Toes crossed too for good measures.
Currently hanging out with Bubba at my parents cabin by the sea while Diver Dude is packing up our house in England for the big move back across the Atlantic. I feel slightly guilty. Slightly.

Having a glass of wine and enjoying the night. Lots of love to all of you.

One week

One week of seeing my man filled with energy.
Of rediscovering that wild twinkle in his eyes.
Of getting reacquainted with the ants in his pants.
Of hearing him giggle like his little boy.
Of having my wonderful, strong husband back.
One week of sinus rhythm.

Yesterday he cleared out the space in the attic.
Did a lot of heavy lifting.
Had a beer and a cigar to celebrate Father's Day.
By the end of the day he was tired. Understandably so.

When he came home from work today he was still tired.
He protested when I brought out the stethoscope.
I listened to his heart anyway.
It's back.
After just one week the damned a-fib is back.
FUCK!!

Shock!

Yesterday was the day the doctors shocked Diver Dude's heart.
One time - "CLEAR"- and his heart rhythm was a beautiful consistent beat again. Seeing the slow, constant beating of Diver Dude's heart on the EKG reminded me of the joy we felt the first time we saw the quick flutter of Bubba's little heart almost a year ago. Perfection.
Diver Dude told me this morning that for the first time in a long time he could hear his heart beat when laying on his pillow last night. And that the sound that used to annoy him and keep him from going to sleep now was the most soothing and beautiful thing he ever heard :)

No more of this please!

I ♥ sinus rhythm

The dog ate my blog (and all my comments)

I don't seem to have much time to update this blog these days. Or comment. In my head I've written several posts and commented on a thousand posts. But that doesn't do much good does it? So I'll just blame the dog. It has nothing to do with a certain 13+lbs boy. Not at all.

So many things going on. Not sure where to start... Let's see...

• We went to Sweden for a week - traveling with Bubba was so much easier than expected - and the two peas finally got to meet. And Nephew got to hold his "Baby Max". It was beautiful.

Nephew, Mini-Man and Bubba

• We're moving back to the states. Soon. Like next month. I'm in denial.
We've got many reasons to move back, but Diver Dude's health is the main one. He needs to be in the hands of a good cardiologist in the states where we won't have to pay out the behind because of sucky insurance. We'll be moving back to our home and neither of us will have to work initially. We've decided to give ourselves up to a year to find work while we live off of D's retirement. I look forward to spending a lot of time together and for D to be there 24/7 for Bubba's first year.
I hate to think about moving away from Europe again, this time probably for good. I'll miss it so much. I'll miss being so close to my family. I get all teary eyed just thinking about it. Yuck!

Bubba's first passport is American. I'm currently working on getting him the Swedish one.

• Bubba is growing like a weed. He talks. He uses beautiful words like "aooouuuuneeeuwnew" and I'm in love. He sleeps through the night. Falls asleep in his own bed every night with a smile on his face after about an hour of nursing, singing and "talking story". The nightly crying spells disappeared over night when he was about two months old. I pinch myself every day and wonder how it's possible to love someone so much without bursting.

• While shopping for my sister and Mamma I got myself a Mother's Day present that I've had my eye on for a while. Found it here.

Now I'm off to find the mutt that ate the blog. And give him a wet kiss on the nose.

Three times the celebration.

Being a Swede married to an American living in England can be thrilling at times, annoying some times and filled with adventure most of the time.

Living here also means I've been reminded of moms being celebrated three times every year. Once in April when the English celebrate "Mum's Day", once in May when it's American "Mother's Day", and finally once in June when it's Swedish "Mors Dag". It's been challenging to say the least. Until this year. When suddenly I'm one of the lucky ones. All because of this beautiful little boy.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you! Moms of all kinds - moms of young babies, grown babies, angel babies, fur babies and moms in waiting.

The other pea in the pod

With all that's been going on lately I've completely forgotten to post about the birth of my beautiful new nephew Robin - Mini-Man. Born April 7th in a hurry with minor complications - placenta didn't deliver and they had to go in under anaesthesia and take it out - but baby and mama are both doing great. And Nephew is the proudest big brother you ever saw.

I can't wait for Bubba's passport to finally get here so we can fly over for a cuddle!

Stop and smell the roses

This week we've gotten news that Diver Dude's heart is broken. It needs fixing. With lots of medication, electric shocks and hope.
He's been diagnosed with atrial fibrillation and dilated cardiomyopathy after having felt run down for several months. Basically his heart is beating irregularly and his left ventricle is dilated and not contracting properly.
It scares the living crap out of me.
I lay awake last night after the four o'clock feed listening to my two boys breathe next to me wondering how I could continue breathing if one of them weren't there.
Every moment together is precious.
Holding hands while brushing our teeth.
Laughing together when Bubba reaches for his toes.
Sharing a knowing look when hearing something we don't agree with.
We need to stop and smell the roses. And hope we have many, many moments left together.

Colic or missing notes?

Every night, after having finished a much loved bath and other bedtime routines, starting at approximately eight o'clock, this is the scenario in our house:
Bubba: Fussing
Mamma: Whispering - Singing - Walking

Bubba: Crying
Mamma: Feeding - Singing - Rocking
Bubba: Screaming
Mamma: Bouncing - Swaying - Singing
Bubba: SCREAMING

Mamma: Feeding - Shushing - Caressing
Bubba: S-C-R-E-A-M-I-N-G
Mamma: Kissing - Swinging - Patting his butt
Bubba: SCREEEAAAAM-IIIIING

Mamma: Closing eyes - Breathing deeply - Resume singing
Bubba: Screaming
Mamma: Loving - Stroking - Talking softly
Bubba: Looking up
Mamma: Looking down - Smiling - Humming
Bubba: Smiling
REPEAT. FOR TWO HOURS.
Until finally the "breather smile" is followed by eyes slowly closing, a big sigh, and Bubba drifting off to sleep. My theory is that he simply has a hard time settling in at night, but could it be what they refer to as colic? Maybe it's my singing... Should've taken more singing lessons.

Luckily, after a full nights sleep, I wake up to this little sunshine :)

The Stockholm Syndrome

I'm being held hostage by a very small man whom I've fallen madly in love with. This little guy does not lay down at all during the day. He likes to be carried, and held, and handled. If he's somehow in contact with one of us he can sleep through a thunderstorm, but as soon as you put him down in one of his cribs (he currently has three... long story) his big blue eyes instantly opens and he starts screaming. He wants boobs, now, no matter how long it's been since last he ate. You better believe BabyBjörn gets praise around here. So what if baby gets bread crumbs in his hair, at least I get to have breakfast. Me being able to sit down and write this is courtesy of said miracle sling.

So these past five weeks have been kind of a long snooze fest on the couch, while chores have been put way down on our list and Bubba is at the very top. Thank goodness for Miss Potter, our cleaning lady, who sweeps in once a week and keeps our dust bunnies at bay.
We have been able to go out to eat, go shopping, walk the dog, have visitors and visits to the doctor's, but most of the time we're simply being held hostage in the house :)

Bubba
• He's growing like a weed - back at his birthweight three days after birth and shocked the heck out of his Mamma and pediatrician. He's outgrown all of his newborn duds and is now sporting his new 0-3mo wardrobe.
• The first week home he had what we referred to as "birth-terror" episodes. Every night around the time he was born (23.29) he would scream inconsolably for about half an hour before he settled for the night. He still has a hard time calming down at night and usually fusses and screams for about an hour before sleeping for the night at around 22.00, once down he only wakes up to eat once at night.
• He's holding his head up and looks around with wide eyes, gives you wide toothless grins and loves being sung to. I do Swedish rhymes or lullabies and Diver Dude sings inappropriate Navy songs. Bubba prefers the Navy songs.
• He also loves being naked and bath time is greeted with much enthusiasm. Diver Dude thinks it's hilarious when his boy's boys hits his hand when he picks him up and accuses him of having more of an old man scrotum than he does.

The Princess
• I'm hungry all the time and have little time to eat so I eat whatever I can get my hands on at that moment. I swear I have more cravings now than when I was pregnant. For cake. And chocolate. And ice cream. It's a bloody miracle that I've lost so much weight. I'm actually five pounds lighter than when I got pregnant. Being a cow is the best diet ever!!
• I survived the first few weeks going to the bathroom with the help of a squirt bottle and 800mg of Motrin, tearing down under is no joke. But it seems to be healing nicely and I don't have any problems with it now, even dared to get frisky with Diver Dude two days ago when the lochia finally stopped. I'm not gonna lie, it burned a little, felt a little sore, but overall not a bad first time. It felt a little like loosing your virginity again. And with a baby that won't sleep unless he's on you, you need to get inventive.
• Found two stretch marks now that I can actually see the lower part of my abdomen, one by my appendix scar and one by a scar from removing a mole.
• Hemorrhoids magically - or rather tragically - appeared after the delivery and haunted me for almost three weeks. I've never been so scared of having to poo in my life!
And the boob job

• Thanks to a Jamaican night nurse at L&D who had a very hands on approach to teaching nursing techniques breast feeding is working like a charm. Bubba is a good little suckling and apparently my supply could feed the neighborhood kids too. No pain. No problems. Knock on wood.

• Bubba is very possessive of his boobs. The few times I've tried to pump while he's been sleeping soundly on his daddy he starts searching and grunting looking for his boob as soon as that first milk hits the bottle and won't stop until he gets some.

Diver Dude
• This man has grown so much these past weeks. He's so helpful, loving and supportive it makes my heart ache. Is it possible to love him any more?
• He has a hard time when Bubba's crying, he feels helpless, frustrated and unable to "fix it" because he lacks the right "equipment" to comfort.

I have so much more to say but my little hostage keeper is stirring and I better get this posted. Love to all of you who are still around to read this, and here's a cute pic of my babe as a reward for reading all through this jumbled mess of a post.

A rare moment of The Bubster sleeping alone.

Ode of my body

Thank you dear body for working so well
thank you for giving me this miraculous story to tell

You who gave me a pregnancy as simple as a dance
and a delivery that was like taken out of a novel of romance

You who give me the strength to stay awake every night

and the amazing ability to get breast feeding right

Dear body that expanded and stretched for several months long

fitting into my skinny jeans after four weeks seems wrong

You extraordinary body that grew a new life 

and added one more title to daughter, sister and wife

Thank you dear body for healing so fast
and thank you for making me a mother at last

The War Story

Between getting to know Bubba, getting used to being a family of five, visits from family and friends, and settling in to my new role as a sleep deprived cow, I haven't found the time to put words to the birth of our baby boy. Now, while Bubba is sleeping in his stroller after a long walk and his first trip to the store, I'll try to get some of it down.

In list form, here's the story of the day our Bubba was born:

Sunday February 27, 2011
• I woke up with mild cramps, similar to menstrual cramps, but with more of a wave-like pattern.
• Went for a walk with Diver Dude and Kona and cramps turned into contractions every 5-10 min, whenever I had a contraction I would hang on to D's back, breathe, close my eyes and continue walking until it passed. Talked to the neighbors and felt normal between contractions.
• Took a warm bath and started timing contractions. D started tinkering with his motorcycle in complete denial of what was happening. Realized that contractions where 5-6 min apart, experienced a strange trickling sensation as if I was peeing with every contraction. Thought maybe my water was breaking...
• Called L&D and told them what was happening, explained that we live 45 min away. They told me to get in the car and head that way asap. Went out to tell Diver Dude who looked surprised and wondered if he could finish what he started. I told him he'd better help me finish packing our go-bag instead. Once he saw me having a contraction he started moving without arguing further.
• Drove down to RAF Lakenheath around 16.00 and stopped for lunch at Burger King. One Whopping burger with fries and a strawberry milkshake, and what felt like a million contractions later we checked into L&D.
• They checked my contractions that came regularly every 3-5 min, made sure Bubba's heart rate was good and then went on to check my cervix.
• 2 cm - WTF?!? - and 90% effaced - We were told to walk around the parking lot for two hours and come back.
• We walked, me hanging on to D with every contraction, and walked, and walked. The parking lot was freezing so we soon moved into the warmer corridors of the hospital and walked some more.
• At 19.00 sharp, we where back at the reception asking to be checked again. This time we got better news, I was at 3-4 cm, 100% effaced, and got checked in to the last L&D room available.
• Contractions picked up intensity and I was happily following the progress with nice breaks in between. Watched Knight & Day and relaxed. Thought about taking a shower and held off on the IV for that reason. Drank water like it was going out of style.
• 22.00 - Suddenly became violently nauseous. Saw the Whopper and strawberry shake for the second time that day - a lot less appetizing this time around. Asked to get hooked up to the IV after brushing my teeth, so I wouldn't have to think about drinking so much water.
• 22.40 - With a very strong contraction I felt a bubble down below that burst with a pop and water gushed out over the bed. Had time to laugh about the fact that I'd been peeing in the bath tub earlier that day. 7 cm dilated and +2. Diver Dude helped during contractions by pressing his hands on my lower back. Thought briefly about the fact that I was missing The Golden Globe Awards.
• Contractions came fast and hard, intense like crashing waves, and I called UNCLE - give me some drugs!! Was told I could get narcotics through the IV while we waited for the epidural guy to finish in the room next to mine. Did I want that? Since I couldn't answer between contractions I was not given any drugs. Started feeling an uncontrollable urge to push. Was told to wait, that I had a long way to go and that Dr. Gray would come in and check me again soon.
• 23.00 - Dr. Gray came to check me again and surprised us all by saying I was fully dilated and ready to go. The option of drugs in the IV was out the window, the epidural guy was still working on the lady next door, but if I could hold off from pushing I could get the epidural soon... There was no way I could hold off on anything at this point. I was grabbing on to the side bar of my bed as if it was life raft, moaning loudly with every wave of pain.
• With a nurse, a technician and Diver Dude holding my legs I gave pushing a try for real. It burnt like hell and I got a little scared. Diver Dude encouraged me and told me things like "you're a strong woman" and "you can do this" and I somehow I found the courage and strength to push like my life depended upon it.
• I pushed with two contractions and suddenly the intense burning sensation consumed the universe and in a fog I heard the nurse tell the technician to "Go get Dr. Gray asap, we're about to have a baby" and Diver Dude saying something about seeing the head. I asked if the baby's head had decended below the pubic bone and the nurse laughed and said "this baby is going nowhere but out with your next push".
• Pushing through the burning Bubba's head was delivered as Dr. Gray came running through the door. She told me to breathe and not push anymore. I tried. Huffed and puffed, but couldn't control the urge to push. So I pushed and I felt his entire body slip out of me.
• Bubba was born at 23.29, and I've never felt a bigger relief in my life. Suddenly the pain was gone, replaced by the beautiful sound of my screaming baby.
• Our son was placed briefly on my chest before he was whisked off by a serious looking technician and nurse. They started rubbing and sucking and tapping his back mumbling things like "water in his lungs" and "get him going". Diver Dude walked over to them and started calming me down by reporting about his color, how he was doing just fine and that he looked strong.
• Dr. Gray delivered the placenta and I was told the cord was coming out from the side... and she said something about us being lucky he hadn't had any problems in utero - still haven't had a chance to google that...
• After some local anaestetic my 2nd degree tear was carefully stitched up while I talked to Mamma on the phone. I can't remember a single thing from that conversation.
• After what seemed like an eternity Bubba was finally brought back to me and placed on my bare chest.
• The room quieted down, the lights were dimmed and everybody congratulated me on a perfect delivery and a perfect baby boy. We were left alone. Me, Diver Dude and our little Bubba.
• Our world was changed forever.

One week old - with eternal wisdom in his eyes

Introducing our circus child

Our son Douglas Maximus, aka Bubba, was born February 27, 2011 at 23:29.
He weighed in at 7.38lbs - 3347g and stood tall at 20.5" - 52cm.
Mamma, Diver Dude and Bubba are all a little shell shocked since it all happened at the speed of light - he was born less than five hours after we got checked in - but we're happy, healthy and safely at home.

Promise to tell the war story later, for now I leave you with an image of perfect bliss ;)

Two weeks 'til due date

Well, I made it to another appointment and from now on I'll get to see Dr. Swedish every week until it's show time. He didn't think the spotting I've been having is anything but changes to my cervix happening so I'm still holding out for that elusive Bloody Show. Hopefully the next status will be a birth story rather than another one of these. 

Impatient? Me? Naaaaah :)

How far along?

38w

Bubba's chunk-o-meter: 

Apprx. 20 inches / 51 cm, 

Dr. Swedish's guesstimate this week is 7.5-8 lbs / 3.4-3.6 kg - He better get here soon!

My total chunk-o-meter: 

17 lbs / 7.7 kg - Actually lost a pound since last appt.

Stretch marks? 

No, but I feel bruised on the inside from being kicked in the same spot right beneath my right rib.

Belly button status? 

Stretched, but not an outie... don't think it will actually pop.

Counting sheep? 

Have to use my hands to help lift the belly over every time I switch sides. Get up to pee a ridiculous amount of times per night. Have been sweating like a piglet the past few nights, soaking the bed linen - very glamorous!

Foods I can't live without: 

Tomatoes, avocados and kiwis are still at the top of my list. I'll also confess to eating copious amounts of chocolate lately... mmmm... Nutella!

Foods I can't stand: 

Greasy food - fun going down, not so fun coming back up.

Best moments this fortnight: 

• Valentine's day - Diver Dude surprised me with a big bear holding a box of chocolates when I walked upstairs to make coffee in the morning and took me out to a romantic dinner that night.

• Labor Rehearsal - read all about it here.

• Making a belly cast :)

 It was a wet mess and demanded a patient husband, a semi-naked wife and lots of laughter.

 With a little paint, I made it look like this. Once Bubba is here I'll write his name, birth date and stats in the ribbon.

Worst moments this fortnight: 

Different kinds of pain. Pain in the belly. Pain in the cervix. Pain in the ass... not knowing when this little guy plans to make an entrance.

Movement? 

No more flips, there's simply no room left, but lots of stretching, punching and kicking.

Symptoms: 

Nose bleeds are back, didn't miss that at all. Ligament pains, Braxton Hicks, cervical pain. 

Gender? 

It's a man-child.

What I miss? 

Sex, Sleeping on my back, Sauvignon, Sushi, Sashimi, Stilton.

What I'm looking forward to? 

Labor, is that totally weird? I just want this show on the road so we can meet this little circus child.

Monthly Wisdom: 

Make the most of those energy bursts because the next day you might not be able to get out of bed.

Milestone: 

Having an internal check. I must say I feared this one because I've heard it can hurt like a MOFO, but it was a piece of cake... if that cake was accompanied by somebody kicking you gently in the ding-ding. 

I'm 1cm dilated, 75% effaced, Bubba's head down and we're ready to rock 'n roll!

Emotions: 

I'm ready, anxious, and excited! Did I mention I'm ready?

Last but not least I'd like you to go over to Keiko's important post about restrictive legislation regarding unborn children.

Bloody Show?

Yesterday I was wiped out, woke up only to crawl straight back into bed. Nauseous all day and couldn't eat anything after breakfast. Today, this morning, I got up to a gushing nose bleed and now when I went to the bathroom I discovered several pinkish streaks in my underwear. Could this be the start of something? Could this be what they call bloody show?

Dear Bubba,
Ready when you are. 
Can't wait to see you. 
Kiss you. 
Love you. 
Spank your little butt.
Let's get this show on the road baby.
Love, Mamma

Labor Rehearsal

Labor.
Rehearsal?
How can you rehearse something that is completely different from woman to woman and even pregnancy to pregnancy?
How do you explain the excruciating pain you're about to go through but that somehow isn't bad enough to stop women from doing this more than once?

Last night 16 very pregnant women and their very anxious husbands sat down in a circle in a basement room at the RAF Lakenheath hospital hoping to find out the secrets of one of life's biggest events.

To start the night off with a bang we were shown a short movie of several women giving birth while we tried to eat some of the treats everybody brought. I'll tell you this, chili and lil' smokies just don't taste the same when watching a baby's head squeezing out of somebody's stretched-to-it's-limits lady-bits.

After the movie and the few bites of food we managed to eat we all did a show-and-tell with our "to-go" bags. Most contained expected items like cameras, robes and adorable baby clothes and some included less common things like knitting projects and shower shoes. I think we all got a few good ideas from each other and one thing I want to get is a non toxic ink pad and paper since the hospital doesn't give you your baby's first footprint if you don't bring the supplies.

Then the actual rehearsal started. This is when the fun began. We were all given a clothespin each, asked to attach it to the sensitive skin underneath the top of our arms close to our arm pits, leave them on for 60 seconds and continue a normal conversation with our husbands. Yikes. Interestingly enough, most of the squeals of pain came from the men in the room. This was repeated every five minutes. Next we were shown different ways to stand and breathe to better deal with the pain of the clothespin. There was the eight-grade school dance move (chin to chin), the ninth-grade school dance move (butt to crotch) and the squat and curl move. Some of us made up our own moves, like the ninth-grade behind the school move (pressed up against the wall face to face). Diver Dude found it very amusing that when he was in ninth grade I wasn't actually born yet.

During these "contraction experiments" we all moved through the hospital like a big pregnant herd towards L&D met by concerned and confused looks from bystanders.

When we all bruised and giggly finally got to L&D we were given a quick tour of one of the delivery rooms. I was pleasantly surprised to find a comfy, newly renovated room with all kinds of creature comforts like private bathroom, big bed, birthing ball and a flat screen TV. Our mid-wife then quickly selected two of the husbands for a show and tell. One of the boys were put in the bed, hooked up to several monitors, and complimented on his beautiful labor and full dilation. He was then instructed to try out a number of ways to push cheered on by his male partner. He pushed on his back with legs up in the air, he pushed side-ways while his partner held his leg back, he pushed leaned up against the back of the bed and he pushed using the squatting bar attached to the bed. I'm surprised none of us went into labor from laughing so hard at the poor guy holding his legs back while violently grunting and focusing on his partners count down from ten.

Labor Rehearsal was a fun experience and if the big day includes any of the humor and lightheartedness of last night I'm game. And if real contractions feel anything like a clothespin pinching your skin - bring it on!

Four weeks to go...

I'm suffering from a drawn out brain fart. And I honestly think time is moving twice the speed it normally does. I feel like I have so much to tell you and as soon as I sit down to get it into words - pffffftt! I have the attention span of a nat and get distracted easier than a two-year-old at Chucky Cheese. Anyway, since this is a fixed format it's a little easier to bring my mushy brain to perform for a few minutes. But after seeing Dr. Swedish today for our 36 week check up I'm starting to think monthly updates just won't cut it anymore. After establishing that Bubba's head is waaaay down in my pelvis he told me with a big grin on his face to "make another appointment in two weeks, if you're still pregnant by then." 

You guys, it looks like this Circus Performance could start any day now!

How far along?

36w

Bubba's chunk-o-meter: 

Apprx. 20 inches / 51 cm, 

According to Dr. Swedish's guesstimate Bubba now weighs in at 7.5 lbs / 3.4 kg - He also predicts Bubba will be well over 8 lbs by the time of delivery - HOLY BUBSTER! 

My total chunk-o-meter: 

18 lbs / 8.2 kg - All that food I'm eating is going straight to the little hungry man in my belly.

Stretch marks? 

Knocking on wood - maybe I won't get any? Varicose veins on my thigh has mystically appeared over the past two months though... grrrrrowl.

Belly button status? 

Not completely out, not sure if it will. Still weird/disgusting when somebody touches it.

Counting sheep? 

Crazy dreams are back! No need for adventure books or movies, all I need is a couple of hours of snoozing and I'm in some high-speed chase in a stolen car chased by bad guys.

Foods I can't live without: 

Tomatoes and avocados are still yummy but right now I crave kiwis!! Not the birds, the fruit.

Foods I can't stand: 

While fish and chips taste really great going down, I can't seem to keep it down. Same thing with everything super greasy

Best moments this month: 

• Baby shower - this is one of those things I should dedicate a post to, but can't seem to gather my thoughts long enough to actually do so. 

In short: 

I cried happy tears in the car going over there thinking of how distant the possibility of me having a baby shower seemed not too long ago. 

Instead of cards I got everyone's favorite children's book - can't wait to start reading them to Bubba. 

MOTHER sent a massive gift and completely shocked both me and Diver Dude - she's not the loving grandma/mother/mother-in-law type, quite the opposite actually. But she seems genuinely excited about having a grandson! 

Lots and lots of itty-bitty clothes now fill the drawers in Bubba's room

• A good friend from Seattle who struggled with IF for almost ten years  came to visit with her hubby - after turning 40, moving across the Atlantic, getting a small house and building a new child-free life - she's pregnant!! Due just about a month after us!

Worst moments this month: 

Again this needs a post of it's own but it'll have to be squished into this. Sex. Or rather, lack of sex. As the weeks pass and I feel sexier than ever, happy and filled with confidence, Diver Dude, well... he's just not that into it. He struggles to adjust to my growing belly and the fear of poking Bubba in the eye is just turning him off. Sigh. 

Movement? 

Crazy boy! Now that he's running out of room those movements can knock the wind out of me. Kicks to the ribs, punches to the cervix and stretching in all directions makes for a comfortable mama :)

Symptoms: 

We have a new player on the scene this month. A sharp, pinching, gradually building pain in the cervix that comes and goes. I'm guessing contractions. If that's what they feel like now... It's gonna HURT LIKE A MOFO!! 

Gender? 

It's a boy. And if he keeps growing at this rate he'll come out with a full beard!

What I miss? 

Good red wine. Or what it used to taste like. It still smells divine, but if I take a sip it's rancid! I hope my taste buds go back to normal. 

What I'm looking forward to? 

Labor rehearsal on February 17th - it was postponed. I think it'll include a walk-through of my hospital's L&D, going over labor and breathing techniques, and a show-and-tell of your hospital bags.

Meeting my baby boy.

Monthly Wisdom: 

Napping during the day is perfectly fine. In fact, it should be mandatory.

Milestone: 

Bubba is head down and ready to go! We're at term. 

Emotions: 

Excited and tired. A little nervous about the pain involved with delivery, but still maintaining the cool-ish attitude of "que sera, sera". At the same time I'm curious how I will cope, and feel kind of "pumped" for the event. Ask me again when this show hits the road :)

Preggo Status - 32 weeks

How far along?

32w

Bubba's chunk-o-meter: 

Apprx. 16.5 inches / 42 cm, 3.7 lbs / 1.7 kg 

My total chunk-o-meter: 

15 lbs / 6.8 kg

Stretch marks? 

Not yet, my belly is itching like crazy though...

Belly button status? 

More out than before, can't stand it when Diver Dude touches it now - EWWWW!

Counting sheep? 

Had a few restless nights with crazy legs, peeing every hour and minor belly aches that had me worried about preterm labor. Probably shouldn't have popcorn and chocolate right before bed...

Foods I can't live without: 

Tomatoes and avocados. And why do Milky Bones suddenly seem so tempting? Pickles with ice cream?

Foods I can't stand: 

I wish there was some food I couldn't stand, put it in front of me and I'll eat it!

Best moments this month: 

Spending the holidays with my family.

Nephew feeling Bubba move and relating to Bubba as "Baby Max". 

Pregnancy photo shoot with Sister. 

Getting the baby room (close to) ready. 

Worst moments this month: 

Falling on an icy beach while taking pictures - saved both belly and camera but it scared the living crap out of me. 

Diver Dude having a moment of total freak-out when realizing Bubba will be here in two months. 

Movement? 

I'm feeling it and seeing it, and so are others! It's like an alien belly show every day :)

Symptoms: 

Braxton Hicks, shortness of breath, minor heart burn - nothing to complain about.

Gender? 

Yup, Bubba's a boy!

What I miss? 

Sushi, Sashimi, Sake, Sauvignon and Stilton.

What I'm looking forward to? 

Baby Shower Jan 22nd - I honestly never thought I'd have one, but a friend of mine insisted on throwing me one and I'm thrilled! 

Labor rehearsal on February 10th. 

Monthly Wisdom: 

If a girl needs to clean - stay out of her way!

Milestone: 

Hmmm, making it this far still boggles my mind :)

Emotions: 

Happy, calm, overwhelmed, amazed, worried and organized - all at the same time!

Happy New Year

When the clocks had all turned twelve, the fireworks all exploded, the champagne all been sipped and new year kisses all been exchanged, one little boy woke up coughing looking for his auntie.
With sleepy eyes, rosy cheeks, and small voice, he asked his mommy to come sit with me. Sister brought him over to me as I was stealing a quiet moment on the couch away from the party. Nephew's small but heavy body instantly wrapped around mine - his legs dangling down on each side of my hips, his back curved around my bulging belly, his arms hugging me softly, and his head a soft weight on my chest.
I gently kissed his hot forehead and whispered "I love you" before I leaned my cheek against the top of his head.
We sat together for a long time listening to the voices and laughter of the other adults, breathing slowly, not quite sleeping, but not really awake.
At one point Bubba started moving around and Nephew gently pushed himself up, looked at me with a sleepy smile, put a firm finger on the bump and said "Baby Max". before resuming his position and closing his eyes. My heart grew so big I almost feared it would burst.

So many great things are happening in my life and I'm surrounded by so much love - I feel like the luckiest woman in the world. I have a feeling 2011 is going to be a fantastic year.