Yesterday I was wiped out, woke up only to crawl straight back into bed. Nauseous all day and couldn't eat anything after breakfast. Today, this morning, I got up to a gushing nose bleed and now when I went to the bathroom I discovered several pinkish streaks in my underwear. Could this be the start of something? Could this be what they call bloody show?
Dear Bubba,
Ready when you are.
Can't wait to see you.
Kiss you.
Love you.
Spank your little butt.
Let's get this show on the road baby.
Love, Mamma
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Wednesday, 23 February 2011
Friday, 18 February 2011
Labor Rehearsal
Labor.
Rehearsal?
How can you rehearse something that is completely different from woman to woman and even pregnancy to pregnancy?
How do you explain the excruciating pain you're about to go through but that somehow isn't bad enough to stop women from doing this more than once?
Last night 16 very pregnant women and their very anxious husbands sat down in a circle in a basement room at the RAF Lakenheath hospital hoping to find out the secrets of one of life's biggest events.
To start the night off with a bang we were shown a short movie of several women giving birth while we tried to eat some of the treats everybody brought. I'll tell you this, chili and lil' smokies just don't taste the same when watching a baby's head squeezing out of somebody's stretched-to-it's-limits lady-bits.
After the movie and the few bites of food we managed to eat we all did a show-and-tell with our "to-go" bags. Most contained expected items like cameras, robes and adorable baby clothes and some included less common things like knitting projects and shower shoes. I think we all got a few good ideas from each other and one thing I want to get is a non toxic ink pad and paper since the hospital doesn't give you your baby's first footprint if you don't bring the supplies.
Then the actual rehearsal started. This is when the fun began. We were all given a clothespin each, asked to attach it to the sensitive skin underneath the top of our arms close to our arm pits, leave them on for 60 seconds and continue a normal conversation with our husbands. Yikes. Interestingly enough, most of the squeals of pain came from the men in the room. This was repeated every five minutes. Next we were shown different ways to stand and breathe to better deal with the pain of the clothespin. There was the eight-grade school dance move (chin to chin), the ninth-grade school dance move (butt to crotch) and the squat and curl move. Some of us made up our own moves, like the ninth-grade behind the school move (pressed up against the wall face to face). Diver Dude found it very amusing that when he was in ninth grade I wasn't actually born yet.
During these "contraction experiments" we all moved through the hospital like a big pregnant herd towards L&D met by concerned and confused looks from bystanders.
When we all bruised and giggly finally got to L&D we were given a quick tour of one of the delivery rooms. I was pleasantly surprised to find a comfy, newly renovated room with all kinds of creature comforts like private bathroom, big bed, birthing ball and a flat screen TV. Our mid-wife then quickly selected two of the husbands for a show and tell. One of the boys were put in the bed, hooked up to several monitors, and complimented on his beautiful labor and full dilation. He was then instructed to try out a number of ways to push cheered on by his male partner. He pushed on his back with legs up in the air, he pushed side-ways while his partner held his leg back, he pushed leaned up against the back of the bed and he pushed using the squatting bar attached to the bed. I'm surprised none of us went into labor from laughing so hard at the poor guy holding his legs back while violently grunting and focusing on his partners count down from ten.
Labor Rehearsal was a fun experience and if the big day includes any of the humor and lightheartedness of last night I'm game. And if real contractions feel anything like a clothespin pinching your skin - bring it on!
Rehearsal?
How can you rehearse something that is completely different from woman to woman and even pregnancy to pregnancy?
How do you explain the excruciating pain you're about to go through but that somehow isn't bad enough to stop women from doing this more than once?
Last night 16 very pregnant women and their very anxious husbands sat down in a circle in a basement room at the RAF Lakenheath hospital hoping to find out the secrets of one of life's biggest events.
To start the night off with a bang we were shown a short movie of several women giving birth while we tried to eat some of the treats everybody brought. I'll tell you this, chili and lil' smokies just don't taste the same when watching a baby's head squeezing out of somebody's stretched-to-it's-limits lady-bits.
After the movie and the few bites of food we managed to eat we all did a show-and-tell with our "to-go" bags. Most contained expected items like cameras, robes and adorable baby clothes and some included less common things like knitting projects and shower shoes. I think we all got a few good ideas from each other and one thing I want to get is a non toxic ink pad and paper since the hospital doesn't give you your baby's first footprint if you don't bring the supplies.
Then the actual rehearsal started. This is when the fun began. We were all given a clothespin each, asked to attach it to the sensitive skin underneath the top of our arms close to our arm pits, leave them on for 60 seconds and continue a normal conversation with our husbands. Yikes. Interestingly enough, most of the squeals of pain came from the men in the room. This was repeated every five minutes. Next we were shown different ways to stand and breathe to better deal with the pain of the clothespin. There was the eight-grade school dance move (chin to chin), the ninth-grade school dance move (butt to crotch) and the squat and curl move. Some of us made up our own moves, like the ninth-grade behind the school move (pressed up against the wall face to face). Diver Dude found it very amusing that when he was in ninth grade I wasn't actually born yet.
During these "contraction experiments" we all moved through the hospital like a big pregnant herd towards L&D met by concerned and confused looks from bystanders.
When we all bruised and giggly finally got to L&D we were given a quick tour of one of the delivery rooms. I was pleasantly surprised to find a comfy, newly renovated room with all kinds of creature comforts like private bathroom, big bed, birthing ball and a flat screen TV. Our mid-wife then quickly selected two of the husbands for a show and tell. One of the boys were put in the bed, hooked up to several monitors, and complimented on his beautiful labor and full dilation. He was then instructed to try out a number of ways to push cheered on by his male partner. He pushed on his back with legs up in the air, he pushed side-ways while his partner held his leg back, he pushed leaned up against the back of the bed and he pushed using the squatting bar attached to the bed. I'm surprised none of us went into labor from laughing so hard at the poor guy holding his legs back while violently grunting and focusing on his partners count down from ten.
Labor Rehearsal was a fun experience and if the big day includes any of the humor and lightheartedness of last night I'm game. And if real contractions feel anything like a clothespin pinching your skin - bring it on!
Thursday, 13 January 2011
Preggo Status - 32 weeks
How far along?
32w
Bubba's chunk-o-meter:
Apprx. 16.5 inches / 42 cm, 3.7 lbs / 1.7 kg
My total chunk-o-meter:
15 lbs / 6.8 kg
Stretch marks?
Not yet, my belly is itching like crazy though...
Belly button status?
More out than before, can't stand it when Diver Dude touches it now - EWWWW!
Counting sheep?
Had a few restless nights with crazy legs, peeing every hour and minor belly aches that had me worried about preterm labor. Probably shouldn't have popcorn and chocolate right before bed...
Foods I can't live without:
Tomatoes and avocados. And why do Milky Bones suddenly seem so tempting? Pickles with ice cream?
Foods I can't stand:
I wish there was some food I couldn't stand, put it in front of me and I'll eat it!
Best moments this month:
Spending the holidays with my family.
Nephew feeling Bubba move and relating to Bubba as "Baby Max".
Pregnancy photo shoot with Sister.
Getting the baby room (close to) ready.
Worst moments this month:
Falling on an icy beach while taking pictures - saved both belly and camera but it scared the living crap out of me.
Diver Dude having a moment of total freak-out when realizing Bubba will be here in two months.
Movement?
I'm feeling it and seeing it, and so are others! It's like an alien belly show every day :)
Symptoms:
Braxton Hicks, shortness of breath, minor heart burn - nothing to complain about.
Gender?
Yup, Bubba's a boy!
What I miss?
Sushi, Sashimi, Sake, Sauvignon and Stilton.
What I'm looking forward to?
Baby Shower Jan 22nd - I honestly never thought I'd have one, but a friend of mine insisted on throwing me one and I'm thrilled!
Labor rehearsal on February 10th.
Monthly Wisdom:
If a girl needs to clean - stay out of her way!
Milestone:
Hmmm, making it this far still boggles my mind :)
Emotions:
Happy, calm, overwhelmed, amazed, worried and organized - all at the same time!
Thursday, 16 December 2010
Marching in to the third trimester
I've had a hard time sitting down to update this corner of the world lately. So much is happening and I want to talk about it all, but somehow I can't find the energy to transfer all those thoughts and moments into words. I want to tell you all about how we've started buying things for Bubba, and how we've rearranged our house to make room for the nursery. I want to show you the things I've made, the theme of the room, the stacks of clothes in the drawers. I also want to tell you about our trip to London to see traditional Swedish Lucia being celebrated. But it'll have to be another day, because today I march in to my third trimester and it's time for a preggo-update.
How far along?
28w
Bubba's chunk-o-meter:
Apprx. 15 inches / 38 cm, 2.2 lbs / 1 kg
My total chunk-o-meter:
13 lbs / 5.9 kg
Stretch marks?
No, but I'm wondering how much more my skin can actually stretch.
Belly button status?
Poking out a tiny bit, can be seen through shirts now. Not sure if I like it or not.
Counting sheep?
Waking up EVERY time I change position, followed by trying to convince myself I don't need to pee, only to realize I REALLY have to pee and then get out of my warm bed just to dribble.
Foods I can't live without:
Tomatoes and avocados. Trying to slow down the carb intake since I was only two points away from failing my 1h glucose test. Having withdrawals from my newly acquired habit of eating a big bowl of whole grain pasta a day.
Foods I can't stand:
Food - mmmmmm! Any food. All the time.
Best moment this month:
Moving our office and guest room to make room for baby. Getting some nursery furniture and a stroller. Realizing this is actually happening, our lives are about to change for good.
Worst moment this month:
Experiencing some strong Braxton Hicks that came and went for about an hour. Not painful just sent me into a panicked state of wait-is-that-a-contraction-omg-what-if-i-go-into-preterm-labor-mind
Movement?
Lots and lots of kicks, rolls, pokes and prods. Daily kick counts usually takes less than a minute (10 movements in 2 hours).
Symptoms:
TMI alert: There's odd stuff happening with the boobies. It looks like dried milk in the now ginormous cracks of the nipple... I've decided to take it as a good sign, but really? Ew.
Restless legs! How come when I'm exhausted my legs are full of energy?
Gender?
I have a tiny penis in my uterus.
What I miss?
Raw fish, creamy delicious unpasteurized cheese, and red wine.
What I'm looking forward to?
Bubba cooking up a storm. Pregnancy photo shoot with my sister for Christmas.
Monthly Wisdom:
If my temper takes an unexpected turn for the worse, walk away.
Milestone:
Moving into the third and final trimester. Passing the glucose test - if only barely.
Emotions: Violent, sudden aggression towards inanimate objects. It's a miracle my Mac does not have a hole in it.
Haven't taken the 28 week picture yet, but you get the idea, I'm getting chunky :)
A lot of you have asked about the week signs - I made them out of cardboard and they look much fancier in the pictures than they do in real life.
Thursday, 2 December 2010
Mundane Moments
In a world of little things
How can you find words big enough
How do you describe the anticipation
of folding a mountain of small outfits
or buying your first set of newborn diapers
How can you explain the joy
of fingers aching from hours of carefully stitching
a less than perfect quilt
How can you tell the story
evoked by movement only you're aware of
How do you define the love you feel
for someone you've never met
or even laid your eyes on
Tiny moments like these fill my days
and although at first they may seem mundane
they carry a lifetime of longing
How can you find words big enough
How do you describe the anticipation
of folding a mountain of small outfits
or buying your first set of newborn diapers
How can you explain the joy
of fingers aching from hours of carefully stitching
a less than perfect quilt
How can you tell the story
evoked by movement only you're aware of
for someone you've never met
or even laid your eyes on
Tiny moments like these fill my days
and although at first they may seem mundane
they carry a lifetime of longing
Tuesday, 26 October 2010
Sometimes I forget...
There are still days when I'll see a woman with a beautiful bump in the corner of my eye and feel my heart squeezed tight in an all too familiar way. For a brief moment it knocks the wind out of me. The moment after I suddenly realize I've caught a glimpse of my own reflection.
Infertility is not cured by pregnancy. The soaring happiness I feel over the life growing inside of me is so fragile and comes with such deep fear. I cherish every second of this miracle but fear that any moment things can go wrong. It's exhausting. And I wouldn't change it for the world.
Thursday is our anatomy scan. I'm thrilled with the thought of seeing Bubba again and excited to find out what flavor he/she is. At the same time I'm absolutely terrified, hoping with all my being that our little Bubster is healthy and growing strong.
What do you think? Is Bubba a boy or a girl?
Infertility is not cured by pregnancy. The soaring happiness I feel over the life growing inside of me is so fragile and comes with such deep fear. I cherish every second of this miracle but fear that any moment things can go wrong. It's exhausting. And I wouldn't change it for the world.
Thursday is our anatomy scan. I'm thrilled with the thought of seeing Bubba again and excited to find out what flavor he/she is. At the same time I'm absolutely terrified, hoping with all my being that our little Bubster is healthy and growing strong.
Friday, 24 September 2010
My cervix is super!
How often do you get to say that? Average cervix length in pregnancy is 3.6 cm from what I understand and guess what my super duper cervix measured today? Over 5 cm long and nicely closed! Now that's a cervix to brag about!
In my anxious mind I've been going over all the things that could possibly make my cervix incompetent. All the biopsies over the years when I had constant cell changes of various degrees, the invasive cone biopsy of 1.3 cm when they discovered cervical cancer almost ten years ago, and the colposcopy last year when they removed a polyp from the top of my cervix. I've turned to Dr. Google too many times to look up symptoms and warning signs for incompetent cervix and actually stayed in bed almost all day Wednesday for fear of Bubba falling out. I know, I'm hysterical. Diver Dude had to give me a firm reality-check-pep-talk to snap me out of it when he came home.
Bubba looks good, he/she is a bigger gray blob now with fluttering arms and a completely visible spine. Legs were crossed most of the time though so we don't know what flavor he/she is. Heart rate has slowed down to 140 bmp which apparently is normal at 16 weeks. My weight is up a total of three pounds - four since last appointment - and I'm sporting a nice "beer gut".
While at the clinic, on doctors orders, I went down to get my flu shot. To think I used to pass out at the very sight of one of those. I believe IF has almost cured my fear of needles. That's an unexpected bonus.
I think I've been feeling Bubba for over a week now. It's that same small pop-pop-pop feeling I experienced at 10-ish weeks but now it's more intense, lasts longer and feels more like a nerve twitch - you know, like when your eye gets a twitch but it's down in babyville. I can't wait for it to be more frequent and unmistakable. I read somewhere that the first felt movements of the baby is called "the quickening" and I can't help but think that it sounds a little spooky. Kind of like the title of a horror flick. It's funny, because the feeling is as far from scary you can get, it's a beautiful, almost spiritual feeling of your baby letting you know it's there. The Quickening.
OK, I'm rambling. I'm just very relieved that everything seems to be going well. Hopefully this calm will stick around for at least a couple of days before I find something else to worry about. Anatomy scan is scheduled for October 28 at 21 weeks. How will I handle five weeks without seeing Bubba? I might just go a little crazy. Alright, a little crazier.
Tuesday, 21 September 2010
The Big Reveal Dinner
Saturday, September 4th we had planned a traditional swedish crayfish party at my parents' cabin by the sea and invited my closest family. Our ulterior motive to eating lots of red shellfish, drinking a few schnapps and singing some obnoxious drinking songs, was of course to reveal our "little" secret.
As I struggled to decide what to wear Diver Dude kept laughing and pointing out how obvious my bump was becoming and that my family would know as soon as they saw me. After three or four changes I decided on an outfit including a big colorful scarf to distract and hide the bump and went inside to help Mamma with the finishing touches to the meal. She looked at me, smiled, rubbed my belly and said "good try Princess".
Around five they started arriving. Cousin Emil, his partner and their twin boys, cousin Ida with partner and two boys, my uncle Anton and his partner, and finally my Sister, Mr Sister and Nephew. The cabin was a warm chaos of hugs, happy voices and laughter. I was almost immediately cornered by Cousin Emil's partner who asked me with a wink if we were home for something other than just family time and before I had a chance to answer continued telling me a story about a friend of hers who switched fertility clinics and got pregnant with twins. I caught a few glances aimed at my mid-section but thankfully nobody dared to ask or comment about my mysterious one-point weight gain.
Everybody arrived hungry and we all sat down around the table before I had another chance to put a foot in my mouth. Diver Dude tapped his glass to get everyone's attention, cleared his voice and began saying the words we had rehearsed earlier: "First of all I'd like to say how happy we are that you all could make it here tonight, so I don't have to drink all the schnapps by myself. I think you all know the reason for us to come home this time was to do our second round of IVF. But when we talked to the doctor she told us that Circus Princess is not allowed to take the medication." Here he paused and we both looked around the room at the rows of raised eyebrows and open mouths before he continued: "And the reason for that is..." I stood up, lifted up my shirt to reveal the words Baby Bump embroidered on my maternity jeans, and said: "I'm already pregnant."
The noise on the porch drowned out the sound of the crashing waves. The symphony of laughter and words like what?, how? and when? made my heart so full of joy and gratitude I could hardly breathe. We were attacked with swarms of hugs as we tried to tell the story of our miracle, how we don't have any answers to how it happened, that we're still completely overwhelmed with happiness and that we just hope everything will turn out OK.
When everybody had settled and the noise died down a little my Sister quietly stood up and said: "Well, I might as well take this opportunity to tell you that we're expecting a baby too". This was followed by a second wave of loud congratulations and big hugs before we could finally dig in to our shellfish feast. And let me tell you, crayfish has never tasted so good.
As I struggled to decide what to wear Diver Dude kept laughing and pointing out how obvious my bump was becoming and that my family would know as soon as they saw me. After three or four changes I decided on an outfit including a big colorful scarf to distract and hide the bump and went inside to help Mamma with the finishing touches to the meal. She looked at me, smiled, rubbed my belly and said "good try Princess".
Around five they started arriving. Cousin Emil, his partner and their twin boys, cousin Ida with partner and two boys, my uncle Anton and his partner, and finally my Sister, Mr Sister and Nephew. The cabin was a warm chaos of hugs, happy voices and laughter. I was almost immediately cornered by Cousin Emil's partner who asked me with a wink if we were home for something other than just family time and before I had a chance to answer continued telling me a story about a friend of hers who switched fertility clinics and got pregnant with twins. I caught a few glances aimed at my mid-section but thankfully nobody dared to ask or comment about my mysterious one-point weight gain.
Everybody arrived hungry and we all sat down around the table before I had another chance to put a foot in my mouth. Diver Dude tapped his glass to get everyone's attention, cleared his voice and began saying the words we had rehearsed earlier: "First of all I'd like to say how happy we are that you all could make it here tonight, so I don't have to drink all the schnapps by myself. I think you all know the reason for us to come home this time was to do our second round of IVF. But when we talked to the doctor she told us that Circus Princess is not allowed to take the medication." Here he paused and we both looked around the room at the rows of raised eyebrows and open mouths before he continued: "And the reason for that is..." I stood up, lifted up my shirt to reveal the words Baby Bump embroidered on my maternity jeans, and said: "I'm already pregnant."
The noise on the porch drowned out the sound of the crashing waves. The symphony of laughter and words like what?, how? and when? made my heart so full of joy and gratitude I could hardly breathe. We were attacked with swarms of hugs as we tried to tell the story of our miracle, how we don't have any answers to how it happened, that we're still completely overwhelmed with happiness and that we just hope everything will turn out OK.
When everybody had settled and the noise died down a little my Sister quietly stood up and said: "Well, I might as well take this opportunity to tell you that we're expecting a baby too". This was followed by a second wave of loud congratulations and big hugs before we could finally dig in to our shellfish feast. And let me tell you, crayfish has never tasted so good.
Tuesday, 10 August 2010
Lady Merlin's Wall
Last week me and Diver Dude had our final joint session with Lady Merlin. The time before I had told her about Diver Dude's change of heart and this time we had even more surprising news for her. It was a great session, lots of small talk, laughter, and some good advise on how to handle the "telling" with Diver Dude's daughters.
Lady Merlin told us she was pleased with our progress and that she was very happy for us. She also told us that this isn't the first time she's had a couple going through ART spontaneously get pregnant while in her care. She told us about the wall of photos in her London office with babies that were supposed to have been ART-babies but are in fact "miracle"babies. "The mind-body connection works in mysterious ways" she said with a sly smile and continued to tell us how when you truly let go and free your mind, magic things can happen.
I don't know what to think. Part of me hates the similarities with the over-used, nonchalant advise of "Just relax, and it will happen", and part of me can't help but see the interesting contradiction in the statement. You can't relax with the purpose of wanting to have a child. It's impossible. But, somehow, in the midst of one of the hardest times in my life, my mind was forced open by something more terrifying than the fear of never having a child and relaxed. And something very similar must've happened to Diver Dude when he changed his mind that morning.
In my mind I've gone over all the things that changed in our lives since last year when Diver Dude was diagnosed with azoospermia and we went through the IVF. Everything from eating habits and work-out routines to social networks and states of mind. What did we do differently? Diver Dude quit chewing tobacco on New Year's Eve. When we were in Jamaica in January we both smoked some pakalolo - first time in 30 years for Diver Dude, 7 for me. There were a lot of trying times - the miscarriage and two failed FETs followed by the crisis when Diver Dude called it quits - but there were good times too. Moments of true connection, love and adventure. Spiritually things changed for me. I found a voice. I'm not sure how else to explain that.
I know, I'm over-thinking and over-analyzing this miracle that has happened. I should just shut up and be grateful.
I am. Shutting up. And I am so very, very grateful.
I hope we get a chance to add Bubba to Lady Merlin's Wall of Miracles. Nine weeks and five days today.
Lady Merlin told us she was pleased with our progress and that she was very happy for us. She also told us that this isn't the first time she's had a couple going through ART spontaneously get pregnant while in her care. She told us about the wall of photos in her London office with babies that were supposed to have been ART-babies but are in fact "miracle"babies. "The mind-body connection works in mysterious ways" she said with a sly smile and continued to tell us how when you truly let go and free your mind, magic things can happen.
I don't know what to think. Part of me hates the similarities with the over-used, nonchalant advise of "Just relax, and it will happen", and part of me can't help but see the interesting contradiction in the statement. You can't relax with the purpose of wanting to have a child. It's impossible. But, somehow, in the midst of one of the hardest times in my life, my mind was forced open by something more terrifying than the fear of never having a child and relaxed. And something very similar must've happened to Diver Dude when he changed his mind that morning.
In my mind I've gone over all the things that changed in our lives since last year when Diver Dude was diagnosed with azoospermia and we went through the IVF. Everything from eating habits and work-out routines to social networks and states of mind. What did we do differently? Diver Dude quit chewing tobacco on New Year's Eve. When we were in Jamaica in January we both smoked some pakalolo - first time in 30 years for Diver Dude, 7 for me. There were a lot of trying times - the miscarriage and two failed FETs followed by the crisis when Diver Dude called it quits - but there were good times too. Moments of true connection, love and adventure. Spiritually things changed for me. I found a voice. I'm not sure how else to explain that.
I know, I'm over-thinking and over-analyzing this miracle that has happened. I should just shut up and be grateful.
I am. Shutting up. And I am so very, very grateful.
Thursday, 5 August 2010
Two peas in a pod
No, I'm not having twins (as far as I know) but it looks like our baby will have the next best thing to a twin.
My sister called me up yesterday and asked if I had time to Skype. I said sure, hung up, and went downstairs to start up the computer. As I sat there my mind was trying to jump the gun. We had talked only a few days ago, and nothing required a follow-up call... I had told her about a dream I had about her expecting a baby girl that was due a month after mine... ! ... ?
She popped up on the contact list and shortly after I saw her sweet face. She said "Hey sis', guess what?", I tried not to yell WHAT, WHAT and drown out what came next, "I'm pregnant!". I started clapping my hands together like a moron, screaming and laughing. "Yeah, can you believe it, I peed on a stick this morning, and it looks like I'll have a baby about a month after you". Cue more screaming and clapping on my side. I quickly calculated her due date to be April 12, 2011 before Mamma came on with a big smile on her face and said "Looks like next summer's gonna be a busy one".
I can't tell you how excited I am to be able to go through this with my sister. When she was pregnant with Nephew, me and Diver Dude had just started trying and while her belly was growing bigger mine stayed painfully empty. This time our bellies will grow in sync and we can be fat together :)
Systrami - Jag älskar dig, and I hope our children get to experience some of the wonderful friendship and unconditional love we share.
My sister called me up yesterday and asked if I had time to Skype. I said sure, hung up, and went downstairs to start up the computer. As I sat there my mind was trying to jump the gun. We had talked only a few days ago, and nothing required a follow-up call... I had told her about a dream I had about her expecting a baby girl that was due a month after mine... ! ... ?
She popped up on the contact list and shortly after I saw her sweet face. She said "Hey sis', guess what?", I tried not to yell WHAT, WHAT and drown out what came next, "I'm pregnant!". I started clapping my hands together like a moron, screaming and laughing. "Yeah, can you believe it, I peed on a stick this morning, and it looks like I'll have a baby about a month after you". Cue more screaming and clapping on my side. I quickly calculated her due date to be April 12, 2011 before Mamma came on with a big smile on her face and said "Looks like next summer's gonna be a busy one".
I can't tell you how excited I am to be able to go through this with my sister. When she was pregnant with Nephew, me and Diver Dude had just started trying and while her belly was growing bigger mine stayed painfully empty. This time our bellies will grow in sync and we can be fat together :)
Friday, 30 July 2010
Beautiful Bubba
I was a wreck going in to the OB/GYN clinic yesterday afternoon. It's a small miracle I made it to the appointment without crashing my car, and that my legs carried me up the stairs and into the examination room. Dr. Swedish walked into the room chewing his lower lip and, after greeting me in swedish, confessed that he was nervous too.
The lights were quickly turned off, the wand introduced, I grabbed Diver Dude's hand and held my breath while Dr. Swedish studied the ultrasound screen. What seemed like an eternity later Dr. Swedish smiled wide and exclaimed "It looks beautiful!", turned the screen towards us and turned on the sound.
Bubba's heart was beating in a rapid swooshing pace, and it was the most wonderful thing I ever heard. My eyes filled up with warm tears and I heard myself laughing as Diver Dude squeezed my hand tighter.
The image is not great because my bladder was full (it seems impossible these days to empty it often enough) but you can see that Bubba grew up a storm and is now measuring 8w2d (2 days ahead). The CRL was 19mm, and the heart rate an amazing 173 beats/min.
All is well in this circus, and our next appointment is in four weeks.
Unless I have a mental break-down before that :)
The lights were quickly turned off, the wand introduced, I grabbed Diver Dude's hand and held my breath while Dr. Swedish studied the ultrasound screen. What seemed like an eternity later Dr. Swedish smiled wide and exclaimed "It looks beautiful!", turned the screen towards us and turned on the sound.
All is well in this circus, and our next appointment is in four weeks.
Unless I have a mental break-down before that :)
Thursday, 29 July 2010
New skills and obnoxious preggo-ladies.
I have a new skill.
I can burp like a man.
You know, the deep, vibrating, ear-deafening kind of burp only burly men can produce.
Burly men and me.
Diver Dude would like to know who kidnapped his Princess and replaced her with this burp-monster.
Yesterday's orientation went well. I only had to bite my tongue a few times when one obnoxious preggo-lady kept complaining about her symptoms, and how shocked she was to be pregnant, and how inconvenient it had been when she was pregnant with her daughter because she had a small placenta and how that caused her to go two weeks over the time, and how she REALLY hopes this one has a normal sized placenta so she won't have to be pregnant longer than necessary. When another preggo-lady told us all with a big sigh how her husband had had a vasectomy because they did not want any more children but here she is "knocked up" again - all this said in front of her own two children - I had to hold my legs to not kick her hard under the table.
I was surprised at the up-beat mode in which everything was reviewed. Not once were the words "if" or "hopefully" used in regards to our pregnancies. Not once was the word "miscarriage" mentioned, and when the first preggo-lady cracked a joke about us all going in to labor at once I nearly gasped at her optimism. I was quiet and tried to listen to the different up-coming scans and tests and the different labor options available but I'm happy we got a stack of paper with the information because I honestly can't remember much. It was like being in bizarro-world.
This afternoon I have an appointment with Dr. Swedish to check on Bubba. My knees are shaking just thinking about it. Please let everything be alright.
I can burp like a man.
You know, the deep, vibrating, ear-deafening kind of burp only burly men can produce.
Burly men and me.
Diver Dude would like to know who kidnapped his Princess and replaced her with this burp-monster.
Yesterday's orientation went well. I only had to bite my tongue a few times when one obnoxious preggo-lady kept complaining about her symptoms, and how shocked she was to be pregnant, and how inconvenient it had been when she was pregnant with her daughter because she had a small placenta and how that caused her to go two weeks over the time, and how she REALLY hopes this one has a normal sized placenta so she won't have to be pregnant longer than necessary. When another preggo-lady told us all with a big sigh how her husband had had a vasectomy because they did not want any more children but here she is "knocked up" again - all this said in front of her own two children - I had to hold my legs to not kick her hard under the table.
I was surprised at the up-beat mode in which everything was reviewed. Not once were the words "if" or "hopefully" used in regards to our pregnancies. Not once was the word "miscarriage" mentioned, and when the first preggo-lady cracked a joke about us all going in to labor at once I nearly gasped at her optimism. I was quiet and tried to listen to the different up-coming scans and tests and the different labor options available but I'm happy we got a stack of paper with the information because I honestly can't remember much. It was like being in bizarro-world.
This afternoon I have an appointment with Dr. Swedish to check on Bubba. My knees are shaking just thinking about it. Please let everything be alright.
Tuesday, 27 July 2010
Road-trippin' in Scotland
It's been a great week. Just me and Diver Dude on the road, discovering a country from the comfort of his Dodge Ram. It's always an interesting combination with a big american truck and narrow british country roads. More than once I've seen oncoming drivers freak out and swerve when they see what's coming towards them. The power of gross tonnage almost always works to our advantage. Except when it comes to filling up the gas tank. Ouch!
Anyway, without further ado, here's our Scotland trip in pictures.
Our first castle was actually on the English side, right on the water. Bamburgh Castle - parts of it dates back to 547 AD
When we reached the scottish border we saw Hadrian's Wall - erected in 122 AD to defend the northern frontier of the Roman Empire.
Just in case we forgot where we were going :)
The capital of Scotland is Edinburgh - a beautiful city with gorgeous architecture, a river running through it, and lots of green parks.
A seagull blocking the view from Edinburgh Castle of the city.
Edinburgh Castle perched high on a hill in the city.
Bag pipers were everywhere. Love the haunting sound of it.
Candles in a church in Edinburgh. Every little flame burning for somebody special.
Streets of Edinburgh.
A small village in the mountains - Birnam - Beatrix Potter (author of Peter Rabbit) spent her childhood summers here and got inspiration for many of her children's books from the surrounding forests.
Playground in Birnam on a rainy and misty evening.
Our hotel in Birnam.
Blair Castle outside of Atholl (no, I don't have a lisp) - 13th century
Deer on Blair Castle grounds.
A train bridge on our way to Loch Ness.
Probably the most famous lake in Scotland - Loch Ness. No, we didn't even get a glimpse of Nessie :)
The Scottish Highlands - beautiful even in the rain
I love me some fuzzy Highland cows!
One of many distilleries - Ben Nevis
Another distillery - Auchentohsan
Loch Lomond at dusk
Loch Lomond at dawn
New Lanark - A cotton mill village founded in 1786 with the ground breaking concept of free housing, schooling, and medical for the workers.
Our last castle in Scotland - Drumlanrig Castle - a renaissance building commisioned in 1691 by William Douglas. It had an impressive collection of art and we found to our surprise an original Rembrandt.
The view from Drumlanrig Castle. I could have my morning coffee here. Decaf of course :)
It's good to be back home, but being explorers by nature I know it won't be long until we start talking about where to go next. Prague is on our list. So is Paris.
Tomorrow I have an "group orientation" at my OB/GYN clinic. Me in a group of normal fertiles. Actually having conceived without the help of a team of doctors. Weird. I'm afraid I'll feel like a poser and like I don't belong there. It's still all so surreal.
Pregnancy symptoms are mild. Nausea that can be compared to being slightly motion sick most of the day. Boobs are sore off and on. I'm hungry all the time and I know where all the restrooms are located along A1 going up to Scotland :)
I worry a lot.
A LOT.
But I try very hard to focus on being positive and believing in this miracle.
Sunday, 18 July 2010
So much to say and no time to say it...
I can't leave for a week of adventure in Scotland without posting the first picture of our miracle - who we're lovingly calling "Bubba The Miracle".
At 6w2d Bubba measured 4,6mm with a heart rate of 118, and my HCG levels were over 100,000!! Dr. Swedish was convinced we had two in there and searched for quite a while, but could only find one :)
Lots of love to all of you my lovelies!!
Lots of love to all of you my lovelies!!
Wednesday, 14 July 2010
A teeny tiny update
About an itsy bitsy heart beat.
It seems this miracle is not just a fiction of my imagination.
I'm in awe and really happy I have ears so my smile don't split my head in two.
Amazing. Just amazing.
It seems this miracle is not just a fiction of my imagination.
I'm in awe and really happy I have ears so my smile don't split my head in two.
Amazing. Just amazing.
Monday, 12 July 2010
July 12, 2010
Here it is. Acrobat's expected due date.
In my heart I believe our Acrobat was never meant to be in my arms. From the very beginning there was all this drama, and although I hoped and prayed with all my being for a different outcome, deep down I think I knew it wouldn't turn out the way we wished.
Loosing the Acrobat taught me so many things. It taught me to trust my body to know how to heal. It taught me to see sunshine through the rain and the outpouring of love from friends and strangers in a time of darkness. It taught me to trust in the higher order of things, and it taught me to be strong when I was feeling weak.
I'm forever grateful for getting through a grief that knocked the air out of me, and for surfacing on the other side a stronger person. I'm grateful for the short time Acrobat was with us.
Today is so different from anything I ever expected. I'm five weeks and four days pregnant with a miracle. I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.
Wednesday, 7 July 2010
Life finds a way.
One moment I'm struggling to believe this is really happening, and the next I'm laughing like a crazy person. I'm overwhelmed with gratefulness and hope, but also consumed with fear and doubt.
Could this truly be the kind of miracle that you think is just an urban legend?
The night of the 2nd, me and Diver Dude got a little crazy and ordered a last minute trip to Sweden. 12 hours from the idea was hatched we landed in Denmark and boarded the train to Sweden and surprised my whole family. The look on their faces when we showed up in their backyard was priceless.
We had a wonderful weekend filled with lazy days on the beach for Mamma, Sister, Nephew and me, golf for Diver Dude, Pappa and Mr. Sister, good food, fierce card games, and lots of laughter. The small fact that my Bloody Monster was missing in action an increasing period of time I simply blamed on the heat wave, traveling and good living (i.e. a few extra pounds that have snuck on my body over the past couple of months).
On our way home Monday night, Diver Dude asked me if Aunt Flo had showed up yet, and I said no. He asked how late I was, I quickly calculated with the help of my fingers and was surprised with the answer of six days.
- Could you be pregnant? His question nearly knocked me out of my seat. But when I added up the sore boobs, the nausea spells and the obvious lack of bleeding/spotting, a tiny light of that insane hope started flickering. I told him that if it wasn't for the fact that I knew it was nearly impossible I'd almost think so. We decided I should pee on a stick in the morning to at least rule it out.
Yesterday morning I woke up around five with a bladder that was about to burst. I ran in to the bathroom, sat down to release the Niagara Falls and suddenly remembered what I was supposed to do. Pinched off before I started and scrambled to find a cup to pee in, aimed carefully and released again. Then I tore off the clear plastic, opened the card board box, ripped open the inner foil case, removed the blue cover and dipped the cotton part in my steaming pee. And then I watched as that magic blue plus sign appeared right before my eyes in mere seconds.
- Holy sh#t! was what came out of my mouth and Diver Dude asked what was going on. I grabbed the stick, showed it to him laying in bed, smiled like an idiot and screamed: - I'm freakin' pregnant! He immediately echoed my initial classy statement and then started laughing. I jumped in bed with him and we looked at each other in chock between awkward hugs and nervous laughter. - Can you believe we did it on our own?
And the funny thing is, when I look back through my diary I've realized that this miracle must've been conceived the morning Diver Dude changed his mind. Yeah, really. It's the stuff fairy tales are made of. I just couldn't make this up even if I tried. And, urban legend or not, me and Diver Dude - him with obstructive azoospermia and me with only one proven functional tube - appear to be pregnant without any medical intervention. It seems life has found a way.
Could this truly be the kind of miracle that you think is just an urban legend?
The night of the 2nd, me and Diver Dude got a little crazy and ordered a last minute trip to Sweden. 12 hours from the idea was hatched we landed in Denmark and boarded the train to Sweden and surprised my whole family. The look on their faces when we showed up in their backyard was priceless.
We had a wonderful weekend filled with lazy days on the beach for Mamma, Sister, Nephew and me, golf for Diver Dude, Pappa and Mr. Sister, good food, fierce card games, and lots of laughter. The small fact that my Bloody Monster was missing in action an increasing period of time I simply blamed on the heat wave, traveling and good living (i.e. a few extra pounds that have snuck on my body over the past couple of months).
On our way home Monday night, Diver Dude asked me if Aunt Flo had showed up yet, and I said no. He asked how late I was, I quickly calculated with the help of my fingers and was surprised with the answer of six days.
- Could you be pregnant? His question nearly knocked me out of my seat. But when I added up the sore boobs, the nausea spells and the obvious lack of bleeding/spotting, a tiny light of that insane hope started flickering. I told him that if it wasn't for the fact that I knew it was nearly impossible I'd almost think so. We decided I should pee on a stick in the morning to at least rule it out.
Yesterday morning I woke up around five with a bladder that was about to burst. I ran in to the bathroom, sat down to release the Niagara Falls and suddenly remembered what I was supposed to do. Pinched off before I started and scrambled to find a cup to pee in, aimed carefully and released again. Then I tore off the clear plastic, opened the card board box, ripped open the inner foil case, removed the blue cover and dipped the cotton part in my steaming pee. And then I watched as that magic blue plus sign appeared right before my eyes in mere seconds.
- Holy sh#t! was what came out of my mouth and Diver Dude asked what was going on. I grabbed the stick, showed it to him laying in bed, smiled like an idiot and screamed: - I'm freakin' pregnant! He immediately echoed my initial classy statement and then started laughing. I jumped in bed with him and we looked at each other in chock between awkward hugs and nervous laughter. - Can you believe we did it on our own?
And the funny thing is, when I look back through my diary I've realized that this miracle must've been conceived the morning Diver Dude changed his mind. Yeah, really. It's the stuff fairy tales are made of. I just couldn't make this up even if I tried. And, urban legend or not, me and Diver Dude - him with obstructive azoospermia and me with only one proven functional tube - appear to be pregnant without any medical intervention. It seems life has found a way.
You didn't think I wouldn't POAS again did you?
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