Friday, 12 March 2010

Four letter words

There, I said it. Now that that's out of the way I'll try to regroup and think of something nicer to say.

I had a long talk with Diver Dude last night over beef Wellington, red wine and tears. I love that man to pieces. He may be a hairy biker hard-ass military man, but boy does he have a big heart. When faced with my blubbering mess of fear, disappointment and what-if's he simply asked me to take one day at the time and to just get back in the saddle (or stirrups) as soon as possible. I was surprised at how calm it made me to think about our next attempt and at the amount of hope I still have. Because I do still think this will work. I have to. And I will get back on that stupid horse again as soon as my RE will let me.

I'll have my WTF conversation with Dr. Boss Lady sometime early next week and I've prepared a few questions for her:
• Delayed period and a very faint line on HPT at 10dp5dt - could it mean chemical pregnancy?
• If so, do I need to check HCG?
• When can we give it another shot?
• 3 out of 4 blasts have failed, 1 m/c, 1 chemical/failure to implant and 1 didn't survive the thaw. Any thoughts?
• What, if anything can we do differently?
• Would you consider putting me on a low dose of aspirin?

Can you ladies think of anything else?

Now I intend to inhale a few cleaning products, drag the vacuum cleaner around the dust bunnies, walk the pooch and start packing my bags for our road trip tomorrow. First stop is Tattershall Castle.


  1. Very colourful choice of words!
    no mixing of those cleaning products please, seems to be dangerous sometimes.
    Sorry that I can't be of help re IVF questions.
    Enjoy your trip! (at least some of the time)

  2. If your getting a faint line I would be asking for a HCG. Ask for any blood tests they can do regarding any antibodies that maybe rejecting your embie (they do it in Australia) but most of all don't give in as hard as it is!

  3. It's tempting to get that fuckety graphic emblazoned on a t-shirt and sell them to IF women ;). We'd make a mint!!

    As for questions - I would definitely ask for an HCG. Until it's under 5, it will delay your next cycle start. If it already is, I don't think there's any reason you have to wait, I went straight from one IVF into another.

    I'm a low responder but I had a much better response on an estrogen priming protocol (went from one egg retrieved from 6) where I stimmed with a good dose of Menoupur (LH+FSH) as well as Gonal-f. Perhaps ask her about estrogen priming and Menopur? I'm convinced the Menopur, especially, made all the difference for me this cycle - not only more eggs, but much better quality.

    Finally, I saw in August that DH's sample was lower than ideal. I would definitely ask the RE about vitamins he could take to improve count if that is still an issue. Though with IVF, it's obvious less important.

    And I love that you still have alot of hope, you should! My RE told me that even if you've had m/c (and I've lost 3 babies), you have a much better chance of a sticky pregnancy than someone who doesn't get pregnant. So as hard as these early losses are, it means you're almost there. I was convinced all my eggs and embies were ticking time bombs, but I'm 14 weeks+ today so I think I may have found a good one this time :). You will too!

  4. Isn't it wonderful to have a supportive DH (or DD, in your case)? They are so wonderful! I have no suggestions for questions, but I wish you the best.

    Have a great day cleaning (I have to do some of that too).


  5. Fuckety is right. I'm so proud that you are being strong despite the crap. Enjoy the road trip and having a clean house! :)

  6. Why doesn't she have you on aspirin? I thought that was a common practice during fertility treatments. I would make sure you bring that up. Even though I wasn't doing IVF I was put on aspirin and all the paper work from my doc office said that is what he has all his patients do.
    I'm glad to see you are in looking forward to the next round. This is like a marathon. We just have to keep running. Eventually we all get to the finish line.
    Sending you lots of (((hugs))) And I'm saying a few fuckety, fuck, fucks for you too!!

  7. Excellent graphic. Love it.

    I think you've got most of the questions covered. I'd only add that I think you might ask the general questions: What went wrong? and If we do IVF again here, what protocol changes would you make to ensure that what went wrong won't be as likely to happen again? You've got the specific questions that cover those points, but sometimes giving a doctor some room to pontificate on your case can help them to uncover things they may not have thought of before.

    And yeah, my doctor didn't prescribe baby aspirin, but Dr. Main Dude (the giant ass who ended up taking over my procedures mid-cycle) had a flippin' conniption fit when he found out it wasn't included in my protocol and insisted that I *immediately* start taking baby aspirin the day before my egg retrieval. So, as far as I know, there are just differing view points on that one. General internet research seems to have shown me that it's a "can't hurt, might help" scenario. So definitely ask about adding it to your regimen for next time.

  8. We had a rough time with "egg quality" - and it can be a common issue with IVF. Often, when there is a "failed" first attempt, the other FETs that come out of that attempt have an overall lower success rate. My RE was explaining that if there is a failed IVF or a chemical, he prefers to do a 2nd fresh before trying a transfer from the "failed" fresh because they can work on adjusting the medications and timing and improving quality. He said that failed IVF attempts are usually more about the egg quality - causing genetic abnormalities and an embryo that just isn't equipped to implant and grow.

    They can adjust the dosage upward or downward to make you stim faster/slower (if you stim too fast or too slow, that can affect quality). They can give you a bit more LH to improve quality. If they think the lining was the problem, they work on building up your lining with supplements. My RE had everyone doing IVF go on the baby aspirin - it has been shown to increase implantation and improve lining, so he thinks of it as a "why not" medication. I've read/heard SOOO many stories of a first IVF with very few surviving embies, then a 2nd IVF with a twin success and some to freeze. I'd really focus with your doctor on why he thinks the embies didn't thrive - ask if he would change up the meds, stim you faster/slower, etc. My RE told me he felt I needed to be more suppressed and stim a little slower (I was ready in 7 days). So...have faith that with a switch in medications, another attempt could bring about a very POSITIVE result! - Tkeys

  9. I am glad you still have lots of hope and such a suppoertive partner through this. It certaintly helps! Good luck talking to the doc.

  10. I agree the baby aspirin should help. Have you considered doing any immune testing? I am so suggesting that to everyone who has had implantation issues, I think it was the magic that worked for me, I really do. I can email you if you want with some specifics to talk over with your doctor. xoxoxoxo Oh and I agree print that graphic on tshirts and so many of us would so buy it!

  11. Sometimes that fabulous f-word is the only thing that makes sense. I don't have a ton of advice for IVF, but try to have fun on your vacation!

  12. Good questions. I hope you get the answers you are seeking.

    Diver Dude sounds like a keeper. Enjoy your trip!


  13. That's a wonderful graphic - and I'm so glad you've got it out of your system.

    I agree about the aspirin - on our first IVF, the information sheet said we might be told to take it, but they never said anything directly to us about it. I took it anyway, on the basis of 'can't hurt, might help'. Of course, it didn't work for us, but it's one of the weapons in the armoury.

    I also think immune testing would be a good idea. Our new clinic pretty much recommends it for everyone, and they've had some very good results with people who've had previous miscarriages.

    I hope your wtf appointment gets you some satisfactory answers, and I'm so glad you still have hope - I'm also hopeful for you. x


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