July 12, 2010

Over the past nine months I've looked at this date in my calendar so many times, wondering what I would feel on this day. Expecting sadness and a feeling of loss, secretly hoping the day would come and go without much fuzz.

Here it is. Acrobat's expected due date.

In my heart I believe our Acrobat was never meant to be in my arms. From the very beginning there was all this drama, and although I hoped and prayed with all my being for a different outcome, deep down I think I knew it wouldn't turn out the way we wished.

Loosing the Acrobat taught me so many things.  It taught me to trust my body to know how to heal. It taught me to see sunshine through the rain and the outpouring of love from friends and strangers in a time of darkness. It taught me to trust in the higher order of things, and it taught me to be strong when I was feeling weak.

I'm forever grateful for getting through a grief that knocked the air out of me, and for surfacing on the other side a stronger person. I'm grateful for the short time Acrobat was with us.

Today is so different from anything I ever expected. I'm five weeks and four days pregnant with a miracle. I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.