Years of trying

Thought I'd put together a little list of what we've gone through to get here. I'm listing the tests and medical procedures we've had done but I need to mention some of the psychological trials as well. My wish to start a family actually began soon after we got married. D however thought he was way past that part of his life after having 3 girls followed by a vasectomy. Hope is a weird thing, for over 3 years I was secretly hoping for a miracle, that somehow one of his "swimmers" would find a way past the cut parts and get me pregnant. Surprisingly that didn't happen... All the while I kept talking to D about the possibility of him having a reversal. I reminded him of what he had told me on our first date sitting under the stars on his front porch talking about regrets in our life: "-The only regret I have is never having a son". I asked him to reconsider starting a family with me and getting a second chance of having a son. And that's when our journey really started.

May 22, 2007 – D has a vasectomy reversal at Madigan Army Hospital 

May 24, 2007 – I have my first normal pap result in many years (history of abnormal paps after cervical cancer in 2001 treated with cone biopsy)

In June I start tracking my cycle, checking my temp, going through ovulation kits, testing mucus, you name it. We begin trying for a baby and have lots of fun practicing :) I try to increase our chances by taking robotussin and folic acid. Even stop drinking alcohol 2 last weeks of every cycle.

August, 2007 – I start spotting between periods, OBGYN tells me it's nothing to worry about and that it's considered a good fertility sign. Also experience extremely painful periods.

October 22, 2007 – I'm 3 days late. I'm never late and we both get excited! Pee on 2 sticks, both negative and the morning after the bloody monster arrives.

January, 2008 – I have a bunch of hormone tests taken, all come back normal... doesn't explain spotting or infertility.

March 6, 2008 – D has a "date with a cup" at Providence

March 11, 2008 – Results from sperm test is low count, low motility and abnormal morphology. Not good.

October 6, 2008 – Get a different doc at annual and tell her about my spotting and our infertility. Finally somebody listens and she gets me a referral to an ultrasound. 

October 9, 2008 – I have an ultrasound at Pacific, WA. Technician tells me I'll get some answers about our infertility from the results??

And then we move from Washington to England and everything medical is put on hold for a few months while we try to get all the other parts of our life sorted out...

February 2, 2009 – Repeat ultrasound at RAF Lakenheath, England. Polyp/cyst found in uterus.

February 9, 2009 – Hysteroscopy evaluation by Dr. Crawford, find uterine polyp. PAINFUL.

February 23, 2009 – Hysteroscopy, Dr. Crawford removes a 1.5cm uterine polyp under general anesthesia .

March 11, 2009 – Meet Dr. Ruch at RAF Lakenheath who takes the time to look over my medical history and decides to get me all the required referrals for a fertility work-up

April, 2009 – Do all the hormonal labs AGAIN. Still normal.

June 4, 2009 – Hysterosalpingogram (tounge twister). Balloon inflates twice and catheter is expelled but they're able to see that the left tubes are open. Can't handle the pain for them to insert catheter, refill balloon and inject fluid a third time so right tubes are still a mystery...

August 7, 2009 – D has another date with a cup - shows less than 2 million but isn't specific

August 21, 2009 – Meet with Dr. Wood at the Fertility centre in Gothenburg, Sweden. D meet his beloved "cup" again and we find out that his reversal has somehow reversed and that there is no sperm at all present. Talk about IVF with ICSI and sperm aspiration and decide that it's the right thing for us. Dr. Wood tells us we have a 35-40% chance of pregnancy per treatment. Sounds pretty fantastic considering the circumstances. 

I'm not talking about the cost of any of these tests, operations or consults but I'm sure you know it's quite steep. And that of course adds to the already high levels of stress. But we've come this far even if the road here has stretched across oceans and have been far from straight. In October we take another huge step on this journey when we join the IVF circus. Let's keep our fingers and toes crossed that we'll finally be able to start our family.

Diary May 23, 2007

Ball Games & Happy Juice

They rolled him in and his eyes were happy and calm, he smiled and slurred: - I'll be OK now.

30 sec earlier he had panic in his eyes and harrassed the anesthesiologist that couldn't find a vein in his arm until attempt 3. So we're here, finally, giving life a chance. Making parenthood possible. 

Yesterday morning Verna called me. Chocked and surprised I answered the phone knowing that I had actually forgot to leave my daily message for her this morning. For 2 weeks I had called every day wishing her good morning and leaving our phone number reminding her that we really want this vasectomy reversal. And here she was, calling me back. I started shaking when she told me they have an opening TOMORROW. My happiness mixed with fear that D would say no because of the short notice. So I told her we'd call back asap and then I called D. When he picked up I studdered: - she ca-ca-called and there's an opening to-tomorrow but we have to go in today for a consult! 

He didn't hesitate: -What time, what do I need to bring and where do we go? I started smiling and let out a sigh of relief. I told him to call Verna back and find out the details. 

A whirlwind of an hour later I had postponed my appointment with the orthodontist and called The Herald to tell them I couldn't start my new job there until Wednesday. We left the house at noon to drive down to the Madigan Army Hospital. Verna met us at the door and we got to shake her hand and say thank you. We then met with Dr. Nelson who will be doing the reattaching of the "pipes". He explained about the procedure and success rates and then examined D's "boys". He gave us his thumbs up and we were off for pre-op exams. Many pokes and probes later we left the hospital to make the 1.5 hour drive home. D called his girls to tell them the news and they wished us luck. We talked about babies and baby names and I felt a million butterflies spreading their wings in the pit of my stomach.

Back home D poured himself a scotch and I started dinner. Couldn't help thinking that I need to learn how to cook if I'm to be a mom. I tried the unfamiliar thoughts: -I could be a mom *wings flapping*. -I could get pregnant within 6 months *wild flapping*.

Had a hard time sleeping that night and woke up before the alarm went off. Made coffee, walked the dog and hit the road. We were early and D started getting an uneasy look in his eyes. As we got closer he got more and more worried. When we had arrived and he changed in to the hospital gown his worry peaked. We had a short laugh attack when he seriously added the "party hat" to his outfit. Next thing we know he's got a needle in his arms and he finally gets some "happy juice". He then made sure to thank the doctors, nurses, anesthesiologist and random cleaning staff for this opportunity to become a dad again. I kissed my saucy husband good luck and good night and they rolled him into theatre.

I'm writing this sitting in the family waiting room anxiously waiting while the doctors perform a miracle.