I'm not allowed to label myself the victim and Diver Dude the bad guy. If I do, Diver Dude may, friends and family might, and most likely it will become a self fulfilling prophecy. You see, if you're wearing brown socks but everyone around you keeps telling you they're blue, soon you'll start to question weather your socks are really brown. I am not a victim and Diver Dude is not a bad guy.
If I say these things out loud, it makes me feel stronger. It makes it hard to feel sorry for myself.
I'm working on centering myself and focusing on who I am. Somehow along the way in our marriage I started leaning, and a couple of months ago I actually tumbled over. Unfortunately the same holds true for Diver Dude, and in spite of our best intentions, instead of helping each other get back on our feet in a balanced way, we keep pushing each other over.
So I'll just pick myself up and wait for him to do the same. When he does I'll be here to greet him with strong open arms. I'd like to think of it as asking him to dance. An invitation from one individual to another to move together as one. It may take some work to make it flow and toes may be stepped on occasionally, but when we dance it'll all be worth it.
I hope you still feel small when you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
Lee Ann Womack - I hope you dance
You are very strong! Proud of you, sweets!
ReplyDeleteI love the lyrics to that song.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you and your DH are making progress towards getting back to the same page. It just takes time I guess. Sounds like therapy is helping you work through all of this. You are such a strong person.
Hang in there.
Beautiful post. You are so very strong.
ReplyDeleteOh honey this is a beautiful post!! I think the lyrics are perfect for where you and DD are at right now. And I do Hope you Dance!! Good Luck Chickie!!!
ReplyDeleteNever pass on an opportunity to dance.
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful post. You're one strong woman!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post!! I hope you and DD are able to dance together soon and the dancing lasts forever!! :)
ReplyDeleteLove this post. You are doing the right thing. Sometimes we all just need a little time to get back on our feet again. It's easier when someone is standing there waiting for you with outstretched arms.
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful post. I'm sure you'll both find each other again and dance forever. Fran
ReplyDeleteThis post made me cry. You are an amazing, strong woman and I am sure that you and Diver Dude will find each other in step again, and stay that way always.
ReplyDeleteallowed to dream, oh yes our dream...
ReplyDeleteYes I do feel small
and sometimes scared.
Hope your sexy guy will get back on his feet too. you're so brave, hope you will be brave enough to be patient enough.
Hope that letting go of the victim role gives you the energy to be you again (and you can still be strong and ask for help and compassion)
hugs
You'll meet in the middle of a dancefloor and dance like their is no one else around. Your arms entwined, you bodies as one and all will be right in your world again....it will happen.
ReplyDeletexxxx
dance like there's no one watching!!!
ReplyDeleteI really like that particular song. A great message, I think.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, it is like that at times, feeling like you just have to extend the invitation, and stand there with open arms, waiting for your partner to be ready to take your hand and join you in your dance. I hope this happens for you very soon.
I completely lost track of you after ICLW last month, and I'm feeling a bit lost. That song, cheesy though it is, is one of my favorites. Makes me weep every time. I hope you guys find each other again....I understand what you're going through....(((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteThat is a wonderful song!! Love it! The lyrics are so powerful!
ReplyDeleteI always thought of IF as a tsunami that not only swept me up (physically, emotionally) but also tried to suck in my marriage. IF is tough on a marriage b/c as much as you are going through it together, nature has it that you are experiencing a lot more of it, which is hard for DHs to understand.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing the right thing by not letting this tsunami drown your marriage and standing by your convictions that Diver Dude is the good guy here. The focus needs to be about reconnecting so that you come out of this stronger (and hopefully with a child).
I'll be following.
I'm crying, here at work, on a Friday, crying..because the imagery of this is sooo real. That sometimes you just get to the point of knowing you WANT TO DANCE and you decide to change the music or the tempo, but you know you'll be dancing none the less.
ReplyDeleteI do hope that you find your way back to each other...I believe in your love.
(would like to follow your blog if that's ok...I really love it , the way you write, the way you paint a life and a story with your words. You are strong and wonderful!)
So very beautiful!
ReplyDeleteICLW
http://daega99-arewethereyet.blogspot.com/2010/05/may-iclw.html
I love that you are not being the victim. I love that you are not assigning yourself a white hat and diver dude a black one - you are an amazing woman and this is a beautiful post. There are some things that we don't have control over in our lives such as how people treat us, however, we do have control over our own reactions and I am so very proud of you in this very trying time. Thinking of you CP.
ReplyDeleteI understand what you're saying and its hard but you are truly inspiring.
ReplyDeleteSending hugs - this was beautiful, thoughtful post.
ReplyDelete(ICLW) I love that song. Don't ever give up hoping. Believing with you for great things...
ReplyDeleteJos