I looked over at him standing with a camping chair in one hand and a beer in the other and stumbled over my words when I answered. "Well, um, I'm here in England, I have a job I like and make decent money, I strive to experience every day to the fullest, appreciate all that I have and to be happy... and hopefully I'm pregnant."
Diver Dude listened and nodded his head but just as I was about to return the question our neighbor walked over to invite us over for a bbq. So we chatted with him for a while, ordered food from our favorite indian restaurant and went about our night until I remembered half way through dinner. "What about you, where do you see yourself a year from now?"
Diver Dude gave me a crooked smile and said he was just waiting for me to ask. He told me he wants to stay here in England, that he hopes his job will get better, and that he seconds my thoughts on seizing the day. Then he said: "It makes it so hard to tell you this, because I love you, and you're my best friend, but I can't commit to having a child with you right now". He also said that at times he feels like the best thing to do would be to "set me free" so I can find somebody else to have babies with.
And for the first time I was able to talk to him without having my vision blurred by tears or my words jumbled by sobbing. I told him that I think it's childish and self centered to think that he's replaceable, that I want a family with him, and that the only other option for me is to have a child on my own. I explained to him about the biological time issue, the fact that I may only have a couple of years left to become a mother. I explained that what hurts most about this isn't that I might never have a child with him, but that he's not willing to give us a chance to be parents. I told him again how much I love him. I told him that I'm willing to give him some time and that I hope he'll be able to reconnect with the part of him that wants a second chance at fatherhood.
He then asked if it would be okay to just take it one day at a time for now. I said yes. We hugged and we kissed, turned on a good movie and gathered our pets around us in the couch and just enjoyed the rest of the night. Because if you just take one day at a time, you can't worry too much about the future.
I think one day at a time is a good plan. It is interesting how differently men and women see the same situations. How something that looks back to us might look white to them. I hope counseling continues to help you both work through this.
ReplyDeleteI think of you often. Take care.
AT many times during our lives, one day at a time, one minute at a time, is the only way to go. I hope that he comes around and reconsiders.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you xxx
What a great conversation. I hope you and DD continue to take it a day at a time and enjoy the future together.
ReplyDelete(HUGS)
I love that plan! I wish I was better at that plan!
ReplyDeleteSmooch!
What a wonderful conversation you two had. Very proud of you both! One day at a time - what a wonderful way to live.
ReplyDeleteOne day at a time sounds like a wonderful way to take life!! Good luck!!
ReplyDelete((HUGS))
I got very teary reading this, mostly because I know just from reading you , that you would be an amazing mom and I want that for you and Diver Dude.
ReplyDeleteI wish you one day at a time that brings you lots of joy.
That is hard. Please just be true to your feelings so in 5 or 10 or maybe even 2 or 3 years you don't regret your decision.
ReplyDeleteFirst time visitor here. . .
ReplyDeleteI applaud you and your husband for your honesty with one another. Open communication is so important in a marriage, especially when you know you are saying something your spouse may not want to hear.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
ICLW
I wish you love and joy and happiness, today. For the future is one hell of an uncertain place, try to plan it and you might just get hurt very badly. But living it now, true to the soul and heart, you will not have regrets. And that's all one can ask for in my opinion.
ReplyDeletexx
I love your honesty with each other. I'm glad you have a plan and I'm thinking and praying for you and DD everyday! Sending you hugs!!
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of you for telling DD exactly how his words made you feel! And what you though what he was doing to not only himself but to you both as a couple!
ReplyDeleteHope he'll turn the corner real soon!
Both Diver Dude's and your honesty and courage are amazing - and I realise that I am being partisan here - but your courage particularly.
ReplyDeleteOne day at a time. May I borrow that please?
Thinkin of you.
Your honesty with yourself, DD, and us always gets me straight down to the core. Sometimes taking it day by day gives you a chance to reconnect with the life you love. I hope it brings you both what you need. {hugs}
ReplyDeleteWow, that sounds like a very intense conversation. I admire your strength and your amazing ability to communicate after hearing Diver Dude's honest thoughts on the future. I applaud your attitude. My very best to you both while you take it day by day.
ReplyDeleteWell, I am so happy you were able to have THAT conversation. With no anger and no tears. I have no doubt you both will get to the same place. Be patient, keep your dream alive and take it one day at the time like you are doing. Much love, Fran
ReplyDeleteIt is beautiful that you were able to be so open and honest with each other - that is absolutely wonderful. One day at a time, it is a really good motto - you just don't know what the future may bring. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteI find that there is no point in planning anything beyond today because you have no idea what tomorrow may bring, so why waste time & energy.
ReplyDeleteLive in the moment. Enjoy the time on the couch. Enjoy the bbq. Enjoy the sun.
Live in the moment.
xxx
How wonderful that you were able to have that conversation and really connect with each other. One day at a time is great. Men do take longer to get their heads round things - my DH said a very firm no to adoption after our second IVF failed, but has since thought it through for himself, asked me a few questions when he was ready to ask them, and then finally decided that he was ready to consider it. I hope DD is able to process all of this and come to the right conclusion for himself, and in the meantime it's great that you're still connecting and loving each other.
ReplyDeleteIt's wonderful that you were able to have this honest conversation. But I do hope you don't give up on your dream to be a mother. It sounds like you would make an amazing one some day.
ReplyDelete