Tuesday 26 October 2010

Sometimes I forget...

There are still days when I'll see a woman with a beautiful bump in the corner of my eye and feel my heart squeezed tight in an all too familiar way. For a brief moment it knocks the wind out of me. The moment after I suddenly realize I've caught a glimpse of my own reflection.

Infertility is not cured by pregnancy. The soaring happiness I feel over the life growing inside of me is so fragile and comes with such deep fear. I cherish every second of this miracle but fear that any moment things can go wrong. It's exhausting. And I wouldn't change it for the world.

Thursday is our anatomy scan. I'm thrilled with the thought of seeing Bubba again and excited to find out what flavor he/she is. At the same time I'm absolutely terrified, hoping with all my being that our little Bubster is healthy and growing strong.






What do you think? Is Bubba a boy or a girl?

25 comments:

  1. You look fantastic!!!

    I'm thinking it's a girl for some reason. Excited for you to find out!

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  2. Girl - strictly because you're wearing pink in the last picture. Nothing like a scientific basis for a choice :-)

    Sounds like you're managing to still find lots of joy within the worry - that seems the best that those of us with losses can do. I'm hoping that there is more and more joy for you!

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  3. You look fabulous! Great pictures! I am going to go with a boy! It seems all my pregnant peeps are having boys these days. I can't wait to hear!

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  4. I'd say...BOY! love your growing belly and of course you know me well now so you know i feel exactly like you full of joy and fear at the same time. But WE WILL get there. And I have no doubt your scan will be great too. Are you having another look at the cervix too? At least that fear s gone for me now! Love, Fran

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  5. Your bump is beautiful! You look great pregnant. I wish you could enjoy it more, but your feelings are understandable.

    I think Bubba is a boy! or a girl! i don't know! lol. But I can't wait to find out!

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  6. Beautiful bump Mama!! Can't wait to hear whether Bubba is a boy or a girl!! Either way Bubba will be one beautiful babe!! :)

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  7. fabulous pics!! So nice to seeing a growing belly :-)

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  8. I say girl assuming you got preggo in June and didn't have a birthday that month.

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  9. You look great, I'm voting boy.

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  10. Beautiful belly!!! I'm going to guess girl!

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  11. Awww, you look LOVELY! These are such great pics--I love how you've marked the weeks! (And I find myself feeling stunned by my own reflection as well. Crazy!)

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  12. I think it might possibly be a boy! But who knows! I can't wait to hear how the scan goes! And Mama that is one beautiful belly!! You look fantastic!!! And I love the cards you used to mark the weeks. Did you make them or buy them?

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  13. You look great! I always thought of him as a boy (I mean, that's a Bubba), but once you asked the question and I looked at your belly, I said, "Girl!" Cannot WAIT to hear :)

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  14. Oh wow - beautiful belly!!! You look great! I'm thinking girl...

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  15. Love the baby bump! There seems to be a lot of people having boys lately so I'm going to guess boy! Can't wait to find out!!!

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  16. I love the pictures! You sound so happy :)

    I think Bubba is a boy, but who knows... Good luck at the scan.

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  17. Girl...cuz I like being in the girl camp.

    I can't wait for my bump to look like that! I still just look mostly like I have had a big meal, LOL.

    How is it 20 weeks already????

    And I totally get the fear coupled with excitement...it's hard to believe. Are you feeling bubba move yet?

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  18. I vote boy! Goodness~you're all belly! Not an ounce of extra weight anywhere else! Having carried both, I feel like somewhat of an expert. ;)

    Thanks for visiting my blog, by the way! Have enjoyed reading your story and am so excited to follow you on your amazing journey! <3

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  19. I'm so happy for you. Wishing you the best at your appointment. I'm going with girl. I don't know why. Just a feeling.

    Happy ICLW!

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  20. Hey there Circus Princess,

    First of all, thank you for the very warm comment you left me on my blog. Well, I am sure I have visited your blog earlier as well (through LFCA, when your pregnancy was announced).

    Infertility is not cured by pregnancy. I still stay a ball of lumps before every appointment, sometimes almost as if I will be woken up and told that it was all a dream.

    Take Care....I guess you are due in March?

    Be good and all the best for the scan. Bubba is a girl, I think. I am 50/50 about it, but still pink was my first guess.

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  21. What a beautiful bump! I'm going to hedge my bets and say that Bubba is definitely either a boy or a girl.

    I'll be thinking of you on Thursday, and hope it's a wonderful, memorable experience for you for all the right reasons xx

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  22. Congrats on your miracle!!!

    I am so scared that I have fought so long and hard that when I do get pregnant I will be unable to enjoy it!

    Good luck with your scan!

    ICLW #93

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  23. I remember all those fears and anxiety all too well! But you look great! I'm thinking girl! It's so exciting! By the way, I would love to feature your IF success story! Happy ICLW! (#72 & 106)

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  24. I didn't read the first post, so I would have a TRUE guess...GIRL....all signs point to girl...

    I can't wait to hear...and while I LOVE you, I don't like how CUTE you look Pregnant....you beautiful girl!!!!!!! xo

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