Tuesday, 15 June 2010

It's all about love

I honestly don't know what made Diver Dude turn the corner. I could speculate and say Lady Merlin helped us communicate better or that he found a window to my thoughts through this blog. I could thank my lucky star or four leaf clover. But in my heart I believe that he was finally strong enough to re-discover the part of him that wants this as much as I do.

The turning point came Sunday morning. Diver Dude woke up early and went upstairs to make coffee and left me snoozing away in bed. A couple of hours later he came down, laid down next to me and woke me up with a soft kiss. "I think we should talk" he said and my heart missed a beat. I feared the worst, braced myself for him to tell me he'd come to the conclusion we should go our separate ways. Instead, he said: "I don't want to loose you. I miss you, I miss my best friend, my confidant, my wife and lover. What's important is you and I, everything else comes second. I want to grow old with you." 

Suddenly there he was. My strong, beautiful, fantastic husband. He had come back to me. I felt drunk with happiness. Tears and laughter came in sudden bursts of joy. He kept going: "If it's OK with you, I think we should stick with our original plan of three IVFs. We'll do two more fresh cycles, use the embryos we get and keep our fingers crossed it works." I struggled to say something coherent and failed to say anything but "Thank you". He smiled and said it was a strange thing to say. I looked out through the window, towards the sky, and said it again. Thank You. 

Although we're now back to our original plan of three IVFs I feel enriched by this experience and know that a few changes need to be made. I need to focus on a fuller life. I need a job to find a different self worth, continue my education to expand my mind, and grow the budding friendships I've made to expand our social network. I need a life that's fulfilling and can make me happy with or without children to complete it. 

I know that I'm a very lucky woman. I have a husband who loves me with all his heart and who wants to journey with me through this life. Come what may. That's what it's all about.
Yggradsil - Tree of Life in Nordic mythology

33 comments:

  1. Oh CP This is beautiful!!! I'm so happy for you! I'm so amazed at how it's working out for you and DD. I have tears in my eyes from reading this. He has done such a beautiful thing! I'm sending you so many hugs and kisses!! Congrats and tell DD he is such a wonderful man! Oh and I love the picture you posted it's so intriguing. I could just sit and stare. I't very beautiful!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Absolutely wonderful - he chose you after all. Good luck with the rest of the process, and I'm really glad you're a team again and feel loved.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm just so thrilled for you both. Wonderful, wonderful stuff!

    ReplyDelete
  4. So happy for you. : ) You're right -- you may or may not come out of this with a child -- & you need to know that your life together will be good, no matter what the outcome -- but you know he's with you now as you try. : )

    ReplyDelete
  5. Beautiful. You made me smile and cry. Wishing you success soon. xx

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh hooray!!! Your post brought tears to my eyes. So happy for you and Diver Dude. Let love prevail!!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. You're right, that's what it IS all about.

    xx

    ReplyDelete
  8. Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I have warm fuzzies after reading this post, sooooo happy for you!!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Wohwhwww I'm in tears my friend, so so very happy, and your husband is amazing, I'm sure he thought about it seriously, and it's great you are back on the same wavelength, I love the way you worked through it and sorted it out, you are a great couple. Fran

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am so very very happy for you - happy for you both. Sitting here smiling.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh the tears, you really need to STOP doing this to me. I mean we're friends right??? and you like me right??? so please stop making me cry at work??? Please.
    I am crying happy tears of course...I feel like just knowing that he was back on board was enough, but for you to write it and share it with us...well I am just so happy for you both.

    you are going to be an AMAZING MOM...your future in marriage and parenthood look sooo bright it's hurting my eyes. Love has made your union MORE beautiful.

    HUGS

    ReplyDelete
  13. Yay!! I'm crying and I'm so happy for you and DD!! I truly hope that ALL your dreams come true and I'm so glad for you that you have such a strong and amazing marriage to help you weather the storm of IF. Good luck and I'll be following closely and cheering you on through your journey!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. I'm in tears, too! What a beautiful picture you painted for us, such a hopeful snapshot of where you are right now. You have a good, thoughtful man who loves you and wants to be with you. I also think it's fabulous that you want to expand your life, keep educating yourself and growing. That future baby is very lucky.

    ReplyDelete
  15. This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing with us how it came to be. Your story is melting my heart today.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'm just thrilled for you and DD...and I wish you success on your next IVF journey, and a lifetime of happiness together. - Tkeys

    ReplyDelete
  17. Just so lovely. I am so thrilled for you!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I am so glad for you, for both of you. Happy hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  19. This is so so very beautiful my friend. We are so lucky to have such wonderful husbands and even when things like this happen, I truly believe it strengthens what we have. Life is full of twists and turns then throw in IF just another obstacle. But you know what you will make, I will make it and I wish all of us who long to become Mothers, will do so. Your strength, DD's strength and your love will make this crazy journey bearable, I know it. Thinking of you my friend. xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  20. Sweetie, reading your last two posts have made me almost as happy as seeing two tiny hearts beat on the ultrasound monitor today!
    When is your next circus performance?

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oh.. what a relief! I bet a weight has been lifted:) Congratulations Circus Princess and good luck...

    ReplyDelete
  22. You made me cry... So happy for you that he "came back" to you. Cheers - best of luck with your next cycle!

    ReplyDelete
  23. This is just wonderful news.

    I'm so happy, happy, happy for you, with you.

    ReplyDelete
  24. What a wonderful post, and I'm so pleased you have your husband back. Now I'm hoping you won't need any more than one more IVF anyway to fulfil the dream xx

    ReplyDelete
  25. Amen. Being on the same page is hard at times but being on the same side is critical. Good for you. Sending positive thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Totally made me cry. Congrats.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Brought tears to my eyes, too. I am so glad that you are both aligned now and wish you the best as you continue your journey.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I'm so happy Diver Dude has come around! ICLW #25

    ReplyDelete
  29. I haven't visited in a while and I could not be happier to come in and read this news! Oh I am just so happy for you. I have thought about you many times, praying for you and Diver Dude to reach a place of agreement...and here you are! Excellent, wonderful news :)

    ReplyDelete
  30. I have been outta the loop for a bit but I am so freaking happy to read this!!!! I have seriously prayed for you and DD several times and reading this just made my day!

    ReplyDelete

Talk to me. Hug me. Spank me. Whatever, just comment.