Stop and smell the roses

This week we've gotten news that Diver Dude's heart is broken. It needs fixing. With lots of medication, electric shocks and hope.
He's been diagnosed with atrial fibrillation and dilated cardiomyopathy after having felt run down for several months. Basically his heart is beating irregularly and his left ventricle is dilated and not contracting properly.
It scares the living crap out of me.
I lay awake last night after the four o'clock feed listening to my two boys breathe next to me wondering how I could continue breathing if one of them weren't there.
Every moment together is precious.
Holding hands while brushing our teeth.
Laughing together when Bubba reaches for his toes.
Sharing a knowing look when hearing something we don't agree with.
We need to stop and smell the roses. And hope we have many, many moments left together.

Colic or missing notes?

Every night, after having finished a much loved bath and other bedtime routines, starting at approximately eight o'clock, this is the scenario in our house:
Bubba: Fussing
Mamma: Whispering - Singing - Walking

Bubba: Crying
Mamma: Feeding - Singing - Rocking
Bubba: Screaming
Mamma: Bouncing - Swaying - Singing
Bubba: SCREAMING

Mamma: Feeding - Shushing - Caressing
Bubba: S-C-R-E-A-M-I-N-G
Mamma: Kissing - Swinging - Patting his butt
Bubba: SCREEEAAAAM-IIIIING

Mamma: Closing eyes - Breathing deeply - Resume singing
Bubba: Screaming
Mamma: Loving - Stroking - Talking softly
Bubba: Looking up
Mamma: Looking down - Smiling - Humming
Bubba: Smiling
REPEAT. FOR TWO HOURS.
Until finally the "breather smile" is followed by eyes slowly closing, a big sigh, and Bubba drifting off to sleep. My theory is that he simply has a hard time settling in at night, but could it be what they refer to as colic? Maybe it's my singing... Should've taken more singing lessons.

Luckily, after a full nights sleep, I wake up to this little sunshine :)

The Stockholm Syndrome

I'm being held hostage by a very small man whom I've fallen madly in love with. This little guy does not lay down at all during the day. He likes to be carried, and held, and handled. If he's somehow in contact with one of us he can sleep through a thunderstorm, but as soon as you put him down in one of his cribs (he currently has three... long story) his big blue eyes instantly opens and he starts screaming. He wants boobs, now, no matter how long it's been since last he ate. You better believe BabyBjörn gets praise around here. So what if baby gets bread crumbs in his hair, at least I get to have breakfast. Me being able to sit down and write this is courtesy of said miracle sling.

So these past five weeks have been kind of a long snooze fest on the couch, while chores have been put way down on our list and Bubba is at the very top. Thank goodness for Miss Potter, our cleaning lady, who sweeps in once a week and keeps our dust bunnies at bay.
We have been able to go out to eat, go shopping, walk the dog, have visitors and visits to the doctor's, but most of the time we're simply being held hostage in the house :)

Bubba
• He's growing like a weed - back at his birthweight three days after birth and shocked the heck out of his Mamma and pediatrician. He's outgrown all of his newborn duds and is now sporting his new 0-3mo wardrobe.
• The first week home he had what we referred to as "birth-terror" episodes. Every night around the time he was born (23.29) he would scream inconsolably for about half an hour before he settled for the night. He still has a hard time calming down at night and usually fusses and screams for about an hour before sleeping for the night at around 22.00, once down he only wakes up to eat once at night.
• He's holding his head up and looks around with wide eyes, gives you wide toothless grins and loves being sung to. I do Swedish rhymes or lullabies and Diver Dude sings inappropriate Navy songs. Bubba prefers the Navy songs.
• He also loves being naked and bath time is greeted with much enthusiasm. Diver Dude thinks it's hilarious when his boy's boys hits his hand when he picks him up and accuses him of having more of an old man scrotum than he does.

The Princess
• I'm hungry all the time and have little time to eat so I eat whatever I can get my hands on at that moment. I swear I have more cravings now than when I was pregnant. For cake. And chocolate. And ice cream. It's a bloody miracle that I've lost so much weight. I'm actually five pounds lighter than when I got pregnant. Being a cow is the best diet ever!!
• I survived the first few weeks going to the bathroom with the help of a squirt bottle and 800mg of Motrin, tearing down under is no joke. But it seems to be healing nicely and I don't have any problems with it now, even dared to get frisky with Diver Dude two days ago when the lochia finally stopped. I'm not gonna lie, it burned a little, felt a little sore, but overall not a bad first time. It felt a little like loosing your virginity again. And with a baby that won't sleep unless he's on you, you need to get inventive.
• Found two stretch marks now that I can actually see the lower part of my abdomen, one by my appendix scar and one by a scar from removing a mole.
• Hemorrhoids magically - or rather tragically - appeared after the delivery and haunted me for almost three weeks. I've never been so scared of having to poo in my life!
And the boob job

• Thanks to a Jamaican night nurse at L&D who had a very hands on approach to teaching nursing techniques breast feeding is working like a charm. Bubba is a good little suckling and apparently my supply could feed the neighborhood kids too. No pain. No problems. Knock on wood.

• Bubba is very possessive of his boobs. The few times I've tried to pump while he's been sleeping soundly on his daddy he starts searching and grunting looking for his boob as soon as that first milk hits the bottle and won't stop until he gets some.

Diver Dude
• This man has grown so much these past weeks. He's so helpful, loving and supportive it makes my heart ache. Is it possible to love him any more?
• He has a hard time when Bubba's crying, he feels helpless, frustrated and unable to "fix it" because he lacks the right "equipment" to comfort.

I have so much more to say but my little hostage keeper is stirring and I better get this posted. Love to all of you who are still around to read this, and here's a cute pic of my babe as a reward for reading all through this jumbled mess of a post.

A rare moment of The Bubster sleeping alone.