A few months ago I had a major melt down. I found out that four of my coworkers at my first agency job were expecting their first child. All of them successful women and men ranging from their mid-thirties to mid-forties. I wasn't upset because I didn't think they deserve the happiness of having a family. It was more that I thought they were happy without children. In the back of my mind I had used them as positive role models in case I was never able to have a child of my own. And now I was suddenly robbed of said role models. Of course I was happy for them but the selfish little girl that lives in my chest was bawling her eyes out, screaming "it's not fair!".
Over the course of the past weeks since we joined the circus I've posted cryptic status updates on facebook. Things like "... has a bruised belly, ... has retrieved the magic number eight, ... has five little sparks of hope". So people that know that we're going through our first IVF gets an update and it's still vague enough so people who don't know won't get it.
Wednesday I got an email from one of the before mentioned coworkers (who had her beautiful baby girl in September) saying she had followed my daily updates and was hoping everything's okay. I wrote back telling her what was going on, about the circus and that we had just gotten the news of our five fertilized eggs. Here's what she replied:
Hi Circus Princess (all names have been changed),
I had a feeling.....only because I just went through it myself. (They were able to extract 6 eggs from me — 3 of which fertilized.)
We had been seeing a specialist and trying different things for 8 months. Each time the treatment didn't work so he continued to get more aggressive. That led us to our first round of IVF last December. (A week before the procedure, I landed in the ER with an asthma attack. Not good.) The odds were completely against us... a 20% chance. And it actually worked. The Dr. was even surprised. Little Miss V is a result of that IVF.
I COMPLETELY understand how difficult this is. Physically and mentally exhausting. I don't know how I got through the shots!! All so fresh in my mind.
Hang in there. Most of all, relax and stay positive. Best of luck to you!!!
Big hug, T
When I finished reading it felt like something inside me had healed and that I had gotten one of my role models back in a completely unexpected way. Her story gave me more than hope. It also opened a door to a new friendship.
Meanwhile I'm trying my best to not go nuts about not knowing how our five little acrobats are doing. Relaxing, staying positive and embryo whispering: Divide and conquer, little acrobats, divide and conquer.
