The Stockholm Syndrome

I'm being held hostage by a very small man whom I've fallen madly in love with. This little guy does not lay down at all during the day. He likes to be carried, and held, and handled. If he's somehow in contact with one of us he can sleep through a thunderstorm, but as soon as you put him down in one of his cribs (he currently has three... long story) his big blue eyes instantly opens and he starts screaming. He wants boobs, now, no matter how long it's been since last he ate. You better believe BabyBjörn gets praise around here. So what if baby gets bread crumbs in his hair, at least I get to have breakfast. Me being able to sit down and write this is courtesy of said miracle sling.

So these past five weeks have been kind of a long snooze fest on the couch, while chores have been put way down on our list and Bubba is at the very top. Thank goodness for Miss Potter, our cleaning lady, who sweeps in once a week and keeps our dust bunnies at bay.
We have been able to go out to eat, go shopping, walk the dog, have visitors and visits to the doctor's, but most of the time we're simply being held hostage in the house :)

Bubba
• He's growing like a weed - back at his birthweight three days after birth and shocked the heck out of his Mamma and pediatrician. He's outgrown all of his newborn duds and is now sporting his new 0-3mo wardrobe.
• The first week home he had what we referred to as "birth-terror" episodes. Every night around the time he was born (23.29) he would scream inconsolably for about half an hour before he settled for the night. He still has a hard time calming down at night and usually fusses and screams for about an hour before sleeping for the night at around 22.00, once down he only wakes up to eat once at night.
• He's holding his head up and looks around with wide eyes, gives you wide toothless grins and loves being sung to. I do Swedish rhymes or lullabies and Diver Dude sings inappropriate Navy songs. Bubba prefers the Navy songs.
• He also loves being naked and bath time is greeted with much enthusiasm. Diver Dude thinks it's hilarious when his boy's boys hits his hand when he picks him up and accuses him of having more of an old man scrotum than he does.

The Princess
• I'm hungry all the time and have little time to eat so I eat whatever I can get my hands on at that moment. I swear I have more cravings now than when I was pregnant. For cake. And chocolate. And ice cream. It's a bloody miracle that I've lost so much weight. I'm actually five pounds lighter than when I got pregnant. Being a cow is the best diet ever!!
• I survived the first few weeks going to the bathroom with the help of a squirt bottle and 800mg of Motrin, tearing down under is no joke. But it seems to be healing nicely and I don't have any problems with it now, even dared to get frisky with Diver Dude two days ago when the lochia finally stopped. I'm not gonna lie, it burned a little, felt a little sore, but overall not a bad first time. It felt a little like loosing your virginity again. And with a baby that won't sleep unless he's on you, you need to get inventive.
• Found two stretch marks now that I can actually see the lower part of my abdomen, one by my appendix scar and one by a scar from removing a mole.
• Hemorrhoids magically - or rather tragically - appeared after the delivery and haunted me for almost three weeks. I've never been so scared of having to poo in my life!
And the boob job

• Thanks to a Jamaican night nurse at L&D who had a very hands on approach to teaching nursing techniques breast feeding is working like a charm. Bubba is a good little suckling and apparently my supply could feed the neighborhood kids too. No pain. No problems. Knock on wood.

• Bubba is very possessive of his boobs. The few times I've tried to pump while he's been sleeping soundly on his daddy he starts searching and grunting looking for his boob as soon as that first milk hits the bottle and won't stop until he gets some.

Diver Dude
• This man has grown so much these past weeks. He's so helpful, loving and supportive it makes my heart ache. Is it possible to love him any more?
• He has a hard time when Bubba's crying, he feels helpless, frustrated and unable to "fix it" because he lacks the right "equipment" to comfort.

I have so much more to say but my little hostage keeper is stirring and I better get this posted. Love to all of you who are still around to read this, and here's a cute pic of my babe as a reward for reading all through this jumbled mess of a post.

A rare moment of The Bubster sleeping alone.

The War Story

Between getting to know Bubba, getting used to being a family of five, visits from family and friends, and settling in to my new role as a sleep deprived cow, I haven't found the time to put words to the birth of our baby boy. Now, while Bubba is sleeping in his stroller after a long walk and his first trip to the store, I'll try to get some of it down.

In list form, here's the story of the day our Bubba was born:

Sunday February 27, 2011
• I woke up with mild cramps, similar to menstrual cramps, but with more of a wave-like pattern.
• Went for a walk with Diver Dude and Kona and cramps turned into contractions every 5-10 min, whenever I had a contraction I would hang on to D's back, breathe, close my eyes and continue walking until it passed. Talked to the neighbors and felt normal between contractions.
• Took a warm bath and started timing contractions. D started tinkering with his motorcycle in complete denial of what was happening. Realized that contractions where 5-6 min apart, experienced a strange trickling sensation as if I was peeing with every contraction. Thought maybe my water was breaking...
• Called L&D and told them what was happening, explained that we live 45 min away. They told me to get in the car and head that way asap. Went out to tell Diver Dude who looked surprised and wondered if he could finish what he started. I told him he'd better help me finish packing our go-bag instead. Once he saw me having a contraction he started moving without arguing further.
• Drove down to RAF Lakenheath around 16.00 and stopped for lunch at Burger King. One Whopping burger with fries and a strawberry milkshake, and what felt like a million contractions later we checked into L&D.
• They checked my contractions that came regularly every 3-5 min, made sure Bubba's heart rate was good and then went on to check my cervix.
• 2 cm - WTF?!? - and 90% effaced - We were told to walk around the parking lot for two hours and come back.
• We walked, me hanging on to D with every contraction, and walked, and walked. The parking lot was freezing so we soon moved into the warmer corridors of the hospital and walked some more.
• At 19.00 sharp, we where back at the reception asking to be checked again. This time we got better news, I was at 3-4 cm, 100% effaced, and got checked in to the last L&D room available.
• Contractions picked up intensity and I was happily following the progress with nice breaks in between. Watched Knight & Day and relaxed. Thought about taking a shower and held off on the IV for that reason. Drank water like it was going out of style.
• 22.00 - Suddenly became violently nauseous. Saw the Whopper and strawberry shake for the second time that day - a lot less appetizing this time around. Asked to get hooked up to the IV after brushing my teeth, so I wouldn't have to think about drinking so much water.
• 22.40 - With a very strong contraction I felt a bubble down below that burst with a pop and water gushed out over the bed. Had time to laugh about the fact that I'd been peeing in the bath tub earlier that day. 7 cm dilated and +2. Diver Dude helped during contractions by pressing his hands on my lower back. Thought briefly about the fact that I was missing The Golden Globe Awards.
• Contractions came fast and hard, intense like crashing waves, and I called UNCLE - give me some drugs!! Was told I could get narcotics through the IV while we waited for the epidural guy to finish in the room next to mine. Did I want that? Since I couldn't answer between contractions I was not given any drugs. Started feeling an uncontrollable urge to push. Was told to wait, that I had a long way to go and that Dr. Gray would come in and check me again soon.
• 23.00 - Dr. Gray came to check me again and surprised us all by saying I was fully dilated and ready to go. The option of drugs in the IV was out the window, the epidural guy was still working on the lady next door, but if I could hold off from pushing I could get the epidural soon... There was no way I could hold off on anything at this point. I was grabbing on to the side bar of my bed as if it was life raft, moaning loudly with every wave of pain.
• With a nurse, a technician and Diver Dude holding my legs I gave pushing a try for real. It burnt like hell and I got a little scared. Diver Dude encouraged me and told me things like "you're a strong woman" and "you can do this" and I somehow I found the courage and strength to push like my life depended upon it.
• I pushed with two contractions and suddenly the intense burning sensation consumed the universe and in a fog I heard the nurse tell the technician to "Go get Dr. Gray asap, we're about to have a baby" and Diver Dude saying something about seeing the head. I asked if the baby's head had decended below the pubic bone and the nurse laughed and said "this baby is going nowhere but out with your next push".
• Pushing through the burning Bubba's head was delivered as Dr. Gray came running through the door. She told me to breathe and not push anymore. I tried. Huffed and puffed, but couldn't control the urge to push. So I pushed and I felt his entire body slip out of me.
• Bubba was born at 23.29, and I've never felt a bigger relief in my life. Suddenly the pain was gone, replaced by the beautiful sound of my screaming baby.
• Our son was placed briefly on my chest before he was whisked off by a serious looking technician and nurse. They started rubbing and sucking and tapping his back mumbling things like "water in his lungs" and "get him going". Diver Dude walked over to them and started calming me down by reporting about his color, how he was doing just fine and that he looked strong.
• Dr. Gray delivered the placenta and I was told the cord was coming out from the side... and she said something about us being lucky he hadn't had any problems in utero - still haven't had a chance to google that...
• After some local anaestetic my 2nd degree tear was carefully stitched up while I talked to Mamma on the phone. I can't remember a single thing from that conversation.
• After what seemed like an eternity Bubba was finally brought back to me and placed on my bare chest.
• The room quieted down, the lights were dimmed and everybody congratulated me on a perfect delivery and a perfect baby boy. We were left alone. Me, Diver Dude and our little Bubba.
• Our world was changed forever.

One week old - with eternal wisdom in his eyes

Introducing our circus child

Our son Douglas Maximus, aka Bubba, was born February 27, 2011 at 23:29.
He weighed in at 7.38lbs - 3347g and stood tall at 20.5" - 52cm.
Mamma, Diver Dude and Bubba are all a little shell shocked since it all happened at the speed of light - he was born less than five hours after we got checked in - but we're happy, healthy and safely at home.

Promise to tell the war story later, for now I leave you with an image of perfect bliss ;)

Four weeks to go...

I'm suffering from a drawn out brain fart. And I honestly think time is moving twice the speed it normally does. I feel like I have so much to tell you and as soon as I sit down to get it into words - pffffftt! I have the attention span of a nat and get distracted easier than a two-year-old at Chucky Cheese. Anyway, since this is a fixed format it's a little easier to bring my mushy brain to perform for a few minutes. But after seeing Dr. Swedish today for our 36 week check up I'm starting to think monthly updates just won't cut it anymore. After establishing that Bubba's head is waaaay down in my pelvis he told me with a big grin on his face to "make another appointment in two weeks, if you're still pregnant by then." 

You guys, it looks like this Circus Performance could start any day now!

How far along?

36w

Bubba's chunk-o-meter: 

Apprx. 20 inches / 51 cm, 

According to Dr. Swedish's guesstimate Bubba now weighs in at 7.5 lbs / 3.4 kg - He also predicts Bubba will be well over 8 lbs by the time of delivery - HOLY BUBSTER! 

My total chunk-o-meter: 

18 lbs / 8.2 kg - All that food I'm eating is going straight to the little hungry man in my belly.

Stretch marks? 

Knocking on wood - maybe I won't get any? Varicose veins on my thigh has mystically appeared over the past two months though... grrrrrowl.

Belly button status? 

Not completely out, not sure if it will. Still weird/disgusting when somebody touches it.

Counting sheep? 

Crazy dreams are back! No need for adventure books or movies, all I need is a couple of hours of snoozing and I'm in some high-speed chase in a stolen car chased by bad guys.

Foods I can't live without: 

Tomatoes and avocados are still yummy but right now I crave kiwis!! Not the birds, the fruit.

Foods I can't stand: 

While fish and chips taste really great going down, I can't seem to keep it down. Same thing with everything super greasy

Best moments this month: 

• Baby shower - this is one of those things I should dedicate a post to, but can't seem to gather my thoughts long enough to actually do so. 

In short: 

I cried happy tears in the car going over there thinking of how distant the possibility of me having a baby shower seemed not too long ago. 

Instead of cards I got everyone's favorite children's book - can't wait to start reading them to Bubba. 

MOTHER sent a massive gift and completely shocked both me and Diver Dude - she's not the loving grandma/mother/mother-in-law type, quite the opposite actually. But she seems genuinely excited about having a grandson! 

Lots and lots of itty-bitty clothes now fill the drawers in Bubba's room

• A good friend from Seattle who struggled with IF for almost ten years  came to visit with her hubby - after turning 40, moving across the Atlantic, getting a small house and building a new child-free life - she's pregnant!! Due just about a month after us!

Worst moments this month: 

Again this needs a post of it's own but it'll have to be squished into this. Sex. Or rather, lack of sex. As the weeks pass and I feel sexier than ever, happy and filled with confidence, Diver Dude, well... he's just not that into it. He struggles to adjust to my growing belly and the fear of poking Bubba in the eye is just turning him off. Sigh. 

Movement? 

Crazy boy! Now that he's running out of room those movements can knock the wind out of me. Kicks to the ribs, punches to the cervix and stretching in all directions makes for a comfortable mama :)

Symptoms: 

We have a new player on the scene this month. A sharp, pinching, gradually building pain in the cervix that comes and goes. I'm guessing contractions. If that's what they feel like now... It's gonna HURT LIKE A MOFO!! 

Gender? 

It's a boy. And if he keeps growing at this rate he'll come out with a full beard!

What I miss? 

Good red wine. Or what it used to taste like. It still smells divine, but if I take a sip it's rancid! I hope my taste buds go back to normal. 

What I'm looking forward to? 

Labor rehearsal on February 17th - it was postponed. I think it'll include a walk-through of my hospital's L&D, going over labor and breathing techniques, and a show-and-tell of your hospital bags.

Meeting my baby boy.

Monthly Wisdom: 

Napping during the day is perfectly fine. In fact, it should be mandatory.

Milestone: 

Bubba is head down and ready to go! We're at term. 

Emotions: 

Excited and tired. A little nervous about the pain involved with delivery, but still maintaining the cool-ish attitude of "que sera, sera". At the same time I'm curious how I will cope, and feel kind of "pumped" for the event. Ask me again when this show hits the road :)

Preggo Status - 32 weeks

How far along?

32w

Bubba's chunk-o-meter: 

Apprx. 16.5 inches / 42 cm, 3.7 lbs / 1.7 kg 

My total chunk-o-meter: 

15 lbs / 6.8 kg

Stretch marks? 

Not yet, my belly is itching like crazy though...

Belly button status? 

More out than before, can't stand it when Diver Dude touches it now - EWWWW!

Counting sheep? 

Had a few restless nights with crazy legs, peeing every hour and minor belly aches that had me worried about preterm labor. Probably shouldn't have popcorn and chocolate right before bed...

Foods I can't live without: 

Tomatoes and avocados. And why do Milky Bones suddenly seem so tempting? Pickles with ice cream?

Foods I can't stand: 

I wish there was some food I couldn't stand, put it in front of me and I'll eat it!

Best moments this month: 

Spending the holidays with my family.

Nephew feeling Bubba move and relating to Bubba as "Baby Max". 

Pregnancy photo shoot with Sister. 

Getting the baby room (close to) ready. 

Worst moments this month: 

Falling on an icy beach while taking pictures - saved both belly and camera but it scared the living crap out of me. 

Diver Dude having a moment of total freak-out when realizing Bubba will be here in two months. 

Movement? 

I'm feeling it and seeing it, and so are others! It's like an alien belly show every day :)

Symptoms: 

Braxton Hicks, shortness of breath, minor heart burn - nothing to complain about.

Gender? 

Yup, Bubba's a boy!

What I miss? 

Sushi, Sashimi, Sake, Sauvignon and Stilton.

What I'm looking forward to? 

Baby Shower Jan 22nd - I honestly never thought I'd have one, but a friend of mine insisted on throwing me one and I'm thrilled! 

Labor rehearsal on February 10th. 

Monthly Wisdom: 

If a girl needs to clean - stay out of her way!

Milestone: 

Hmmm, making it this far still boggles my mind :)

Emotions: 

Happy, calm, overwhelmed, amazed, worried and organized - all at the same time!

Happy New Year

When the clocks had all turned twelve, the fireworks all exploded, the champagne all been sipped and new year kisses all been exchanged, one little boy woke up coughing looking for his auntie.
With sleepy eyes, rosy cheeks, and small voice, he asked his mommy to come sit with me. Sister brought him over to me as I was stealing a quiet moment on the couch away from the party. Nephew's small but heavy body instantly wrapped around mine - his legs dangling down on each side of my hips, his back curved around my bulging belly, his arms hugging me softly, and his head a soft weight on my chest.
I gently kissed his hot forehead and whispered "I love you" before I leaned my cheek against the top of his head.
We sat together for a long time listening to the voices and laughter of the other adults, breathing slowly, not quite sleeping, but not really awake.
At one point Bubba started moving around and Nephew gently pushed himself up, looked at me with a sleepy smile, put a firm finger on the bump and said "Baby Max". before resuming his position and closing his eyes. My heart grew so big I almost feared it would burst.

So many great things are happening in my life and I'm surrounded by so much love - I feel like the luckiest woman in the world. I have a feeling 2011 is going to be a fantastic year.

Marching in to the third trimester

I've had a hard time sitting down to update this corner of the world lately. So much is happening and I want to talk about it all, but somehow I can't find the energy to transfer all those thoughts and moments into words. I want to tell you all about how we've started buying things for Bubba, and how we've rearranged our house to make room for the nursery. I want to show you the things I've made, the theme of the room, the stacks of clothes in the drawers. I also want to tell you about our trip to London to see traditional Swedish Lucia being celebrated. But it'll have to be another day, because today I march in to my third trimester and it's time for a preggo-update.

How far along?

28w

Bubba's chunk-o-meter: 

Apprx. 15 inches / 38 cm, 2.2 lbs / 1 kg 

My total chunk-o-meter: 

13 lbs / 5.9 kg

Stretch marks? 

No, but I'm wondering how much more my skin can actually stretch. 

Belly button status? 

Poking out a tiny bit, can be seen through shirts now. Not sure if I like it or not. 

Counting sheep? 

Waking up EVERY time I change position, followed by trying to convince myself I don't need to pee, only to realize I REALLY have to pee and then get out of my warm bed just to dribble. 

Foods I can't live without: 

Tomatoes and avocados. Trying to slow down the carb intake since I was only two points away from failing my 1h glucose test. Having withdrawals from my newly acquired habit of eating a big bowl of whole grain pasta a day.

Foods I can't stand: 

Food - mmmmmm! Any food. All the time.

Best moment this month: 

Moving our office and guest room to make room for baby. Getting some nursery furniture and a stroller. Realizing this is actually happening, our lives are about to change for good.

Worst moment this month: 

Experiencing some strong Braxton Hicks that came and went for about an hour. Not painful just sent me into a panicked state of wait-is-that-a-contraction-omg-what-if-i-go-into-preterm-labor-mind

Movement? 

Lots and lots of kicks, rolls, pokes and prods. Daily kick counts usually takes  less than a minute (10 movements in 2 hours).

Symptoms: 

TMI alert: There's odd stuff happening with the boobies. It looks like dried milk in the now ginormous cracks of the nipple... I've decided to take it as a good sign, but really? Ew.

Restless legs! How come when I'm exhausted my legs are full of energy?

Gender? 

I have a tiny penis in my uterus.

What I miss? 

Raw fish, creamy delicious unpasteurized cheese, and red wine.

What I'm looking forward to? 

Bubba cooking up a storm. Pregnancy photo shoot with my sister for Christmas.

Monthly Wisdom: 

If my temper takes an unexpected turn for the worse, walk away.

Milestone: 

Moving into the third and final trimester. Passing the glucose test - if only barely.

Emotions: Violent, sudden aggression towards inanimate objects. It's a miracle my Mac does not have a hole in it. 

Haven't taken the 28 week picture yet, but you get the idea, I'm getting chunky :) 

A lot of you have asked about the week signs - I made them out of cardboard and they look much fancier in the pictures than they do in real life.

Getting on the preggo-status-train!

How far along?

24w, 3 days

Bubba's chunk-o-meter: 

Apprx.12 inches / 30 cm, 1.32 lbs / 600 g - was told at our 21w u/s he's in the 68th percentile

My total chunk-o-meter: 

7 lbs / 3.2 kg

Stretch marks? 

Nope

Belly button status? 

Still in, but my long healed piercing scar is now all on the outside and I can feel the "button" poking a little bit.

Counting sheep? 

Toss and turn, pee twice a night, crazy dreams, wake up with tousled hair.

Foods I can't live without: 

Tomatoes and potatoes! Mmmm carbs!

Foods I can't stand: 

Hmmm... that's an unfamiliar concept...

Best moment this month: 

Diver Dude and Mamma feeling the first movements around 21,5 weeks.

Worst moment this month: 

Diver Dude spacing out on my birthday. Long story. Good ending.

Movement? 

YES, this is a wild little guy. Every morning and night. Seems to not like me driving or sitting down wearing jeans as he kicks right where the waist band hits :)

Symptoms: 

Almost embarrassed to say I hardly have or have had any major symptoms. Frequent nose bleeds. Stuffy nose.

Gender? 

We're having a son :)

What I miss? 

Sushi and Cabernet.

What I'm looking forward to? 

Getting bigger while Bubba's cooking.

Monthly Wisdom: 

Don't worry, be happy.

Milestone: 

Movement felt on the outside, finding out we're having a boy and reaching viability.

Emotions: Calm as a cucumber. Mood swings, what's that? Seriously though, my anxiety levels seem to go down every week.

It's a little person in there!

Spending an hour yesterday looking at Bubba from all different angles makes me feel like I've gotten to know the little person growing inside me a little bit better.


Everything went well and all major organs were well within limits. Major relief. The femurs measured almost a week ahead but we're both tall people so no big surprise there :) Heartbeat was strong at 159 bpm.  Placenta was posterior, so that explains me feeling a lot of movement early. Bubba was head down low during the whole hour and only moved arms and legs leisurely. Cervix measured 3.5 cm, which is shorter than the baseline but I'm trying not to worry until I get to speak to Dr. Swedish. Ha!


When it came time to find out what flavor Bubba is, our tech ran in to some difficulty. Bubba's legs were tightly closed at all times and would not give us even a little sneak peek. Until I went to the bathroom and danced a little mambo. When I laid back down, the tech quickly placed the wand on my belly and for a moment we caught a glimpse before the legs closed again.


Diver Dude jumped out of his chair and cheered loudly only to immediately after have big tears fill his eyes. Choked up he managed to whisper: "Munchkin, we're having a son". The tech confirmed with a smile and told us congratulations. I was immediately so filled with happiness I couldn't say a word.


Bubba is a boy.


We're having a son.

Yes, there's a tiny pee-pee in me and Diver Dude is not only OK with it, he's happy about it! In any other context that would be the weirdest sentence ever :) 

I'm in love.

Sometimes I forget...

There are still days when I'll see a woman with a beautiful bump in the corner of my eye and feel my heart squeezed tight in an all too familiar way. For a brief moment it knocks the wind out of me. The moment after I suddenly realize I've caught a glimpse of my own reflection.

Infertility is not cured by pregnancy. The soaring happiness I feel over the life growing inside of me is so fragile and comes with such deep fear. I cherish every second of this miracle but fear that any moment things can go wrong. It's exhausting. And I wouldn't change it for the world.

Thursday is our anatomy scan. I'm thrilled with the thought of seeing Bubba again and excited to find out what flavor he/she is. At the same time I'm absolutely terrified, hoping with all my being that our little Bubster is healthy and growing strong.

What do you think? Is Bubba a boy or a girl?

My cervix is super!

How often do you get to say that? Average cervix length in pregnancy is 3.6 cm from what I understand and guess what my super duper cervix measured today? Over 5 cm long and nicely closed! Now that's a cervix to brag about!

In my anxious mind I've been going over all the things that could possibly make my cervix incompetent. All the biopsies over the years when I had constant cell changes of various degrees, the invasive cone biopsy of 1.3 cm when they discovered cervical cancer almost ten years ago, and the colposcopy last year when they removed a polyp from the top of my cervix. I've turned to Dr. Google too many times to look up symptoms and warning signs for incompetent cervix and actually stayed in bed almost all day Wednesday for fear of Bubba falling out. I know, I'm hysterical. Diver Dude had to give me a firm reality-check-pep-talk to snap me out of it when he came home.

Bubba looks good, he/she is a bigger gray blob now with fluttering arms and a completely visible spine. Legs were crossed most of the time though so we don't know what flavor he/she is. Heart rate has slowed down to 140 bmp which apparently is normal at 16 weeks. My weight is up a total of three pounds - four since last appointment - and I'm sporting a nice "beer gut".

While at the clinic, on doctors orders, I went down to get my flu shot. To think I used to pass out at the very sight of one of those. I believe IF has almost cured my fear of needles. That's an unexpected bonus.

I think I've been feeling Bubba for over a week now. It's that same small pop-pop-pop feeling I experienced at 10-ish weeks but now it's more intense, lasts longer and feels more like a nerve twitch - you know, like when your eye gets a twitch but it's down in babyville. I can't wait for it to be more frequent and unmistakable. I read somewhere that the first felt movements of the baby is called "the quickening" and I can't help but think that it sounds a little spooky. Kind of like the title of a horror flick. It's funny, because the feeling is as far from scary you can get, it's a beautiful, almost spiritual feeling of your baby letting you know it's there. The Quickening.

OK, I'm rambling. I'm just very relieved that everything seems to be going well. Hopefully this calm will stick around for at least a couple of days before I find something else to worry about. Anatomy scan is scheduled for October 28 at 21 weeks. How will I handle five weeks without seeing Bubba? I might just go a little crazy. Alright, a little crazier.

12 weeks and we're all mmkay!

Huge sigh of relief! All is well in babyville! I weighed in at 164 lbs, 1 lb less than where I started. Good news considering I hope to pack on a hefty amount of baby weight in the near future :) Baby's heart was found without too much fuzzing around with the doppler and was beating at a beautiful 166 b/min. Go Bubba!! 

I'm starting to think this might actually be happening. For real. I mean, we may actually get to bring home a healthy baby in March. WOW. Butterflies are still going nuts in my belly, but this time they're of a much happier variety.

We've decided not to do the NT scan or the blood test to check for chromosomal abnormalities for a couple of different reasons. First of all, should they find something to indicate a problem we feel we'd be adding unnecessary stress since we would not consider termination. Second, if there is a problem we'll most likely find out anyway at our 20-22 week scan. I know this can seem archaic to some, but we feel it's the right decision for us. This way, should there be a problem, we'll still have plenty of time to make the extra preparations to add this child to our family.

My next scan will be in a month. I asked for an extra scan to make sure my beaten up cervix can take the extra pressure. An extensive cone biopsy to remove malignant cells in 2001 and a polypectomy in 2009 is what's causing us to take these precautionary measures. I'm thinking long and closed, long and closed.

Today I've entered the 12th week and the future is looking bright enough to wear sunglasses.

Butterflies

are going crazy in my belly. Flapping their wings and stirring things up. In two hours I've got an appointment with Dr. Swedish to check on Bubba. Hopefully today we'll be able to hear that beautiful little heart beat on a doppler.

I'm nervous and anxious, haven't slept well in two nights and battling a splitting head ache. Please let everything be OK. Mmkay!

Beautiful Bubba

I was a wreck going in to the OB/GYN clinic yesterday afternoon. It's a small miracle I made it to the appointment without crashing my car, and that my legs carried me up the stairs and into the examination room. Dr. Swedish walked into the room chewing his lower lip and, after greeting me in swedish, confessed that he was nervous too.

The lights were quickly turned off, the wand introduced, I grabbed Diver Dude's hand and held my breath while Dr. Swedish studied the ultrasound screen. What seemed like an eternity later Dr. Swedish smiled wide and exclaimed "It looks beautiful!", turned the screen towards us and turned on the sound.

Bubba's heart was beating in a rapid swooshing pace, and it was the most wonderful thing I ever heard. My eyes filled up with warm tears and I heard myself laughing as Diver Dude squeezed my hand tighter.

The image is not great because my bladder was full (it seems impossible these days to empty it often enough) but you can see that Bubba grew up a storm and is now measuring 8w2d (2 days ahead). The CRL was 19mm, and the heart rate an amazing 173 beats/min.

All is well in this circus, and our next appointment is in four weeks.
Unless I have a mental break-down before that :)

New skills and obnoxious preggo-ladies.

I have a new skill.
I can burp like a man.
You know, the deep, vibrating, ear-deafening kind of burp only burly men can produce.
Burly men and me.
Diver Dude would like to know who kidnapped his Princess and replaced her with this burp-monster.

Yesterday's orientation went well. I only had to bite my tongue a few times when one obnoxious preggo-lady kept complaining about her symptoms, and how shocked she was to be pregnant, and how inconvenient it had been when she was pregnant with her daughter because she had a small placenta and how that caused her to go two weeks over the time, and how she REALLY hopes this one has a normal sized placenta so she won't have to be pregnant longer than necessary. When another preggo-lady told us all with a big sigh how her husband had had a vasectomy because they did not want any more children but here she is "knocked up" again - all this said in front of her own two children - I had to hold my legs to not kick her hard under the table.

I was surprised at the up-beat mode in which everything was reviewed. Not once were the words "if" or "hopefully" used in regards to our pregnancies. Not once was the word "miscarriage" mentioned, and when the first preggo-lady cracked a joke about us all going in to labor at once I nearly gasped at her optimism. I was quiet and tried to listen to the different up-coming scans and tests and the different labor options available but I'm happy we got a stack of paper with the information because I honestly can't remember much. It was like being in bizarro-world.

This afternoon I have an appointment with Dr. Swedish to check on Bubba. My knees are shaking just thinking about it. Please let everything be alright.